Bookseller: That’s “s” as in “sand”, “b” as in “Betty”, “l” as in… “lupus”.
Barnes & Noble
Grapevine, Texas
Overheard by: lupus? really? you went with lupus?
Bookseller: That’s “s” as in “sand”, “b” as in “Betty”, “l” as in… “lupus”.
Barnes & Noble
Grapevine, Texas
Overheard by: lupus? really? you went with lupus?
Interviewee, upon learning that interviewer is an amateur musician: Well, it seems like you have a nice voice… Very Tom Waits-y.
Interviewer: I have a cold.
W 1st Street
Los Angeles, California
Male federal employee: I loved those old Startac phones because all they were was a phone. They didn’t take pictures. They didn’t predict your ovulation cycle. They just took calls!
Independence Avenue
Washington, DC
Brunette girl #1: So I was in bed for like, a whole week.
Brunette girl #2: Because your vagina was broken?
Brunette girl #1: Yeah…
Lords Valley, Pennsylvania
Coworker #1: He couldn’t get it up?
Coworker #2: No, he couldn’t get hard.
Coworker #1: Wow, I can at least get hard.
Coworker #2: It was his first shoot. They gave him Viagra and energy drinks and the girl sucked and rubbed him for an hour but he couldn’t get hard. Then the director fired him and asked if anyone if could keep it hard for two hours.
Coworker #1: Did you volunteer?
Coworker #2: No, I can stay hard for an hour but not two. But a cameraman did. I felt bad for the girl, she was just 18 and it was her first shoot and the cameraman was like 60.
Coworker #1: Damn. I wish I hadn’t called in sick.
Porn Shoot
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: she was ugly
Worker #1: I think my fish is blind.
Worker #2: Seriously?
Worker #1: Yes, he can’t find his food.
Worker #2: Maybe he’s not hungry…
Worker #3, eavesdropping: Blind fish need homes too…
Anderson Street
Loma Linda, California
Cat owner #1: So I went to the doctor yesterday, I asked him what was causing this rash on my forearms, he says, “It’s your cat”!
Cat owner #2: My cat?
Rosewood Drive
Pleasanton, California
Overheard by: Jimmybob
CSR on the phone: At first it was a bad pain, and now it’s like a good pain, like I can take it a little more now.
Graphics Drive
White Plains, New York
Overheard by: The Mole
Bank employee, accompanying exterminator: [Sings.] Spraying for bugs!
[She realizes she sang that out loud to a room full of customers.]Bank employee, under her breath: Oops. Just kidding, we don’t have bugs.
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Ken
Receptionist on phone: Some people say they have OCD. They don’t have OCD. They’re nuts!
Office
Lyndhurst, New Jersey
