Girl: He broke his hand in a fit of gay!
Washington, DC
Girl: He broke his hand in a fit of gay!
Washington, DC
Nurse assistant to patient: Do you want corn, carrots, or peas?
Patient: Cake.
Nurse assistant: Cake isn’t a vegetable. What would you like to drink?
Patient: Cookies.
Nurse assistant: You can’t drink cookies.
St. John Hospital
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: I was laughing
40-year-old woman to co-worker: I didn’t know alcohol had a relaxing effect.
Scripps Poway Parkway
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Mike
Sales rep: I’ve been trying to get them to cut off my leg to the knee. All you got to do is polish it once a month!
Northpoint
San Francisco, California
Patient: Help! Help me! Someone!
Patient’s tech, upon entering room: Sir! Sir, what are you yelling for?
Patient: Sanity!
Bowling Green, Kentucky
Analyst #1: I tried working out last night.
Analyst #2: How much did you lift?
Analyst #1: I had 225 on the bar.
Analyst #2: Did you get it up?
Analyst #1: Nah, I chickened out.
Cookeville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Diddy
Co-worker on phone: Yeah, she was really sick. She was vomiting, and throwing up, and barfing, and everything else.
Washington Street
St. Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: KC
Bookseller: That’s “s” as in “sand”, “b” as in “Betty”, “l” as in… “lupus”.
Barnes & Noble
Grapevine, Texas
Overheard by: lupus? really? you went with lupus?
Interviewee, upon learning that interviewer is an amateur musician: Well, it seems like you have a nice voice… Very Tom Waits-y.
Interviewer: I have a cold.
W 1st Street
Los Angeles, California
Male federal employee: I loved those old Startac phones because all they were was a phone. They didn’t take pictures. They didn’t predict your ovulation cycle. They just took calls!
Independence Avenue
Washington, DC
