Health & Hygiene

Fetus: What Are You Lookin’ At?

Receptionist: Oh, I forgot today was Friday the 13th. I do pay attention to that, because I was in a bad car accident in high school on a Friday the 13th.
HR assistant: So no going out and drinking tonight, then?
Receptionist (bemusedly): Well…
HR assistant: You’ll just stay home and drink, right?
Receptionist: (laughs) Yeah, that’s when you know you’re an alcoholic, when you stay home and drink.
HR assistant: And you’re pregnant.
Receptionist: Right. Don’t want people being judgmental at the bar.

Airport Way
Seattle, Washington

Talking to You Is Like Drinking Maple Syrup

Hipster: Making out is my Viagra.

School of Management Office
University of Massachusetts

But There’s No Cure for Bureaucracy

Fat coworker: Dude, all these re-orgs and manager changes really suck.
Skinny coworker: You know what else sucks? Polio.

Ontario Street
Cleveland, Ohio

Overheard by: The loud one

You Should Hear Him Whine When an Employee Dies

Male payroll processor: If you want me to process your payroll, you have to put the time you came in and left.
Female coworker: I was out sick. Did you see that I used sick time?
Male payroll processor: Yeah! What’s your point?
Female coworker: I was out sick! I didn’t come in or leave!
Male payroll processor: Whatever! More work for me!

Speedway
Tucson, Arizona

We Hope You’ll Come in and Be Judged by Us Again Soon

(Woman puts groceries on checkstand, including home pregnancy test.)
Male clerk: Man, I have been selling a lot of these lately!
(Woman laughs nervously.)
Male clerk to female clerk, waving test in the air: Haven’t you been selling a lot of these?
Female clerk: Yeah, I have! It must be spring, you know how people get!
(Woman is now horrified.)
Male clerk, handing woman her groceries: Well, good luck either way!

Safeway
Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: Really? Really?

Which Is Why I Always Carry Duct Tape

Female suit: There’s nothing worse than being caught without a tampon.

Hollywood, California

It’s Like a Party in My Diaphragm!

Loud office chick: Oh my god, hiccups! I love hiccups! I only get them like three times a year, and I love them!

Hudson Street
New York City, New York

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

That’s a Sobriety Test in and of Itself

Lab tech: He needs to retake the drug screening.
Nurse: Why? He said he was ready to give a urine sample.
Lab tech: Well… How do I put this delicately? He did give us *a* sample… Just not the kind we needed.
Nurse: Wait, you mean… he… Oh my god! How the hell did he poop in that cup? I am impressed!
Lab tech: Yea, I kinda am to.

Hospital
Columbus, Ohio

Overheard by: Workin’ here for the insurance

At Least Stop Leaving Your Pinkeye Crusties on My Desk

Co-worker: You know, you should stay home when you’re sick. You ruined my whole weekend.
Sick co-worker: [Laughs.]Co-worker, enraged: I’m not kidding! You ruined my whole weekend! Stay home next time, damnit!

Jefferson Road
Cookeville, Tennessee

Dude, Those Are Two Things I Will Not Do

Guy in stairway: Smell this and tell me I don’t have a problem.

Plymouth, Pennsylvania

© 2026 OverheardinTheOffice.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist