Employees–Ticking Time Bombs, All of Them

(employee #1 coughs)
Employee #2: Beth*, are you okay?
(employee #1 coughs)
Employee #3: Ma, are you okay?
Employee #1: I’m fine.
Employee #3: Ma, what are you choking on?
Employee #1: My own spit.

Clearwater, Florida

Overheard by: file queen

Posted on July 22, 2008
Coworkers, Default, Employees, Florida, Health & Hygiene, Questions, Weirdness

I Knew We Shouldn’t Have Used That Stigmata Font

Copywriter: Man! Where am I bleeding from now?!

Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio

Posted on July 10, 2008
Body Parts, Default, Health & Hygiene, Ohio, Questions, Weirdness, Writers and Editors

Fetus: What Are You Lookin’ At?

Receptionist: Oh, I forgot today was Friday the 13th. I do pay attention to that, because I was in a bad car accident in high school on a Friday the 13th.
HR assistant: So no going out and drinking tonight, then?
Receptionist (bemusedly): Well…
HR assistant: You’ll just stay home and drink, right?
Receptionist: (laughs) Yeah, that’s when you know you’re an alcoholic, when you stay home and drink.
HR assistant: And you’re pregnant.
Receptionist: Right. Don’t want people being judgmental at the bar.

Airport Way
Seattle, Washington

Posted on July 9, 2008
Default, Employees, Feelings, Health & Hygiene, Human Resources, Receptionists, Substance Use & Abuse, Washington, Weirdness

Talking to You Is Like Drinking Maple Syrup

Hipster: Making out is my Viagra.

School of Management Office
University of Massachusetts

Posted on July 8, 2008
Default, Education, Health & Hygiene, Massachusetts, Sexuality, Students, Substance Use & Abuse

But There’s No Cure for Bureaucracy

Fat coworker: Dude, all these re-orgs and manager changes really suck.
Skinny coworker: You know what else sucks? Polio.

Ontario Street
Cleveland, Ohio

Overheard by: The loud one

Posted on July 4, 2008
Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Default, Gripes, Health & Hygiene, Weirdness

You Should Hear Him Whine When an Employee Dies

Male payroll processor: If you want me to process your payroll, you have to put the time you came in and left.
Female coworker: I was out sick. Did you see that I used sick time?
Male payroll processor: Yeah! What’s your point?
Female coworker: I was out sick! I didn’t come in or leave!
Male payroll processor: Whatever! More work for me!

Speedway
Tucson, Arizona

Posted on July 1, 2008
Arizona, Coworkers, Default, Employees, General Idiocy, Gripes, Health & Hygiene, Offers and requests, Time Management

We Hope You’ll Come in and Be Judged by Us Again Soon

(Woman puts groceries on checkstand, including home pregnancy test.)
Male clerk: Man, I have been selling a lot of these lately!
(Woman laughs nervously.)
Male clerk to female clerk, waving test in the air: Haven’t you been selling a lot of these?
Female clerk: Yeah, I have! It must be spring, you know how people get!
(Woman is now horrified.)
Male clerk, handing woman her groceries: Well, good luck either way!

Safeway
Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: Really? Really?