Editor (talking about diabetic colleague): So, around five o'clock he walks by and he's holding a candy bar–a Snickers–and I'm like, what is this? Suicide? If he goes into convulsions, I'm just going to gather my stuff and stroll out of here.
Newsroom
Stafford, New Jersey
Overheard by: inothernews
Manager: Yes, but I still dribble a bit.
Subordinate: Well, you may wanna have a doctor take a look at that.
Okemos, Michigan
Overheard by: yawp
Nurse: Do you smoke?
Older man: No.
Nurse: Have you ever smoked?
Older man: Yes.
Nurse: And how many cigarettes a day did you smoke?
Older man: Uh, three. No, five. A pack.
Nurse: And when did you quit?
Older man: Uh, yesterday.
Nurse: You're still smoking, aren't you?
Older man: Yes.
Hospital
Harlem, New York
Overheard by: Natalie
Phil: I just got back from the restroom… Harry was in a stall talking to somebody on the cell phone while shitting. Farting and flushing and talking. Then he didn't even wash his hands on the way out. Remind me to never ever ever borrow his phone.
Dan: I couldn't talk to somebody and poop at the same time. My poop time is my private time.
Huntsville, Alabama
Assistant on phone: Hello, Lucy Smith*'s office. (pause) No, she's not available, she's out having an abortion. (pause) Sure, I'll give her the message. Have a good day. (hangs up)
Lucy (angry): What?! Who was that?!
Assistant: Some pro-life group asking for donations.
Lucy: Oh, okay, good work.
Lexington Avenue
New York City, New York
Female coworker: Yeah, I have to get a shot in the butt. Veronica will have fun though, she likes that kind of thing.
Tabor Road
Morris Plains, New Jersey
Employee to manager: Do you know how to talk to deaf people on the phone?
Williamsville, New York
Co-worker: I have extroverted genitalia.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
(employee #1 coughs)
Employee #2: Beth*, are you okay?
(employee #1 coughs)
Employee #3: Ma, are you okay?
Employee #1: I’m fine.
Employee #3: Ma, what are you choking on?
Employee #1: My own spit.
Clearwater, Florida
Overheard by: file queen
Copywriter: Man! Where am I bleeding from now?!
Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
