Health & Hygiene

AMA Rule #1: When Cornered, Deny the Corner Exists

Receptionist: I have Ms Jones* on the phone, she still has pain and wants to know if you will refill her Endocet prescription.
Doctor: No. She can have Vicodin.
Receptionist: She's allergic to Vicodin.
Doctor: Then she has to go to the hospital.
Receptionist (after speaking on telephone again): She asks if these are her only options: take medication she's allergic to or go to the hospital?
Doctor: Tell her I'm not here.

Kinnelon, New Jersey

Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/

…As Is the Custom in Brooklyn.

(male admin yawns)
Female admin: Nap time?
Male admin: I never sleep.
Female admin: You never sleep? What, do you put toothpicks in your eyes to keep them open?
Male admin: I'm going to write that down, that's a good idea.
Female admin: At least you choose to stay awake, rather than your husband waking you up by coming home at 1:30 in the morning.
Male admin: At least he didn't pee in the bed.

New York City, New York

“Candy Left Over from Christmas” Is So Much Less Exciting Now

Boss to secretary: You know what I still have?
Secretary: Herpes.
Boss: Uh, err, get back to work!

Mullica Hill Road
Glassboro, New Jersey

Little Did I Know It Was a Splenda Snickers

Editor (talking about diabetic colleague): So, around five o'clock he walks by and he's holding a candy bar–a Snickers–and I'm like, what is this? Suicide? If he goes into convulsions, I'm just going to gather my stuff and stroll out of here.

Newsroom
Stafford, New Jersey

Overheard by: inothernews

Or Get a Nicer Bib

Manager: Yes, but I still dribble a bit.
Subordinate: Well, you may wanna have a doctor take a look at that.

Okemos, Michigan

Overheard by: yawp

Jon Lovitz, Is That You?

Nurse: Do you smoke?
Older man: No.
Nurse: Have you ever smoked?
Older man: Yes.
Nurse: And how many cigarettes a day did you smoke?
Older man: Uh, three. No, five. A pack.
Nurse: And when did you quit?
Older man: Uh, yesterday.
Nurse: You're still smoking, aren't you?
Older man: Yes.

Hospital
Harlem, New York

Overheard by: Natalie

And the Best Part of a Married Man's Day

Phil: I just got back from the restroom… Harry was in a stall talking to somebody on the cell phone while shitting. Farting and flushing and talking. Then he didn't even wash his hands on the way out. Remind me to never ever ever borrow his phone.
Dan: I couldn't talk to somebody and poop at the same time. My poop time is my private time.

Huntsville, Alabama

Next Time Use the “Dying Fetus” Sound Effect

Assistant on phone: Hello, Lucy Smith*'s office. (pause) No, she's not available, she's out having an abortion. (pause) Sure, I'll give her the message. Have a good day. (hangs up)
Lucy (angry): What?! Who was that?!
Assistant: Some pro-life group asking for donations.
Lucy: Oh, okay, good work.

Lexington Avenue
New York City, New York

She's Like, “Please, Doctor, May I Have Another?”

Female coworker: Yeah, I have to get a shot in the butt. Veronica will have fun though, she likes that kind of thing.

Tabor Road
Morris Plains, New Jersey

Very Loud?

Employee to manager: Do you know how to talk to deaf people on the phone?

Williamsville, New York

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