Department manager to two employees in their 9th month of pregnancies: I simply cannot allow you two to take maternity leave at the same time.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Lynn
Department manager to two employees in their 9th month of pregnancies: I simply cannot allow you two to take maternity leave at the same time.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Lynn
Crazy lady: Help! My food has shit all over it! Help!
Young waitress: Wait, what?
Crazy lady: Don't “what” me.
Young waitress: No, really, what's wrong with it? Is it the wrong dish?
Crazy lady: You didn't tell me it had shit in it.
Young waitress: To what are you referring, precisely?
Crazy lady: The shit the shit the shit! (waves hands madly over dish, gesturing at her pasta, covered in a sauce)
Young waitress: Wait, do you mean the sauce?
Crazy lady: Don't “sauce” me!
Northville, Michigan
Male office peon: Why isn't my deodorant holding me? It's wearing off already.
Female office peon: What?
Male office peon: I guess I should stop using Degree for Women!
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Woman to guy on other side of cube: Michael!
Michael (standing and looking over cube at her): What?
Woman: Nothing. I smelled something bad and thought it might be you.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Cubinator
Male supervisor: So pretty much I think I'm not going to eat before I do it anymore.
Female supervisor: I agree, I never have sex after I eat: that's why if you take me out to dinner you can pretty much guarantee I won't put out! I mean, I might get a cramp.
Lakeport, California
Worker #1: I mean, I just want to tell them I can't make them feel better. *Bob* can't make them feel better. *Katrina* can't make them feel better. Their doctors can't make them feel better.
Worker #2: No, that's what the oxycodone is for.
Law Office
Northern California
Manager: You have to check your poop everyday in case you get a disease.
Starbucks
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Muffin
Receptionist on phone: Hey, little man! Did you go pee pee on the potty? (announcing to office) He peed on the potty!
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Check-out clerk: How are you doing today?
Customer: I'm good, how are you doing?
Check-out clerk: My stomach hurts. Too much drinking.
Woodinville, Washington
Overheard by: Can sympathize
Work bee, complaining about wife's: So I said, “Babe, we live in this country for two reasons, breakfast food and good toilet paper.”
Colorado
Overheard by: shaine
