Gripes

4PM You Know the Drill

Co-worker: Oh crap. We’re having a fire drill today? That fucking sucks. It’s too fucking cold for that shit.
Drill Captain: Yes, I know…but they are important. We need to do them at least twice a year.
Co-worker: How the fuck are they important? Did you miss fire safety week in the first grade? You don’t know what to do if there is a fire? Well, here you go: take the stairs down to the lobby and go outside away from the fire. Shit, you probably still get into strangers’ cars if they offer you candy.

3350 Riverwood Parkway
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: nicolette

5PM That’s Enough for Me

Secretary on phone: I hate fake tans too…not cans…tans. No, tans. T as in taco, A as in anus, N as in next, and S as in swords. I hate fake cans, too.

3818 Maccorkle Avenue SE
Charleston, West Virginia

Overheard by: brittany

12PM QA

Co-worker #1: “…And so, if you’re still working on the website, I just discovered a serious error using a Mac.”…Who cares?
Co-worker #2: Seriously, you should write back and say, “Dude, why are you even using a Mac?”

111 West Rio Salado Parkway
Tempe, Arizona

1PM Lunch

Worker #1: He has a groin pull so he’s asking for pain pills .
Worker #2: He told me he hurt his leg.
Consultant: Yeah, my third leg. I’m a tripod.
Worker #1: A tripod wouldn’t have hurt himself playing basketball with a 50 or under league.

100 Summer Street
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Regina C

Has Someone Alerted 60 Minutes?

Genius: Sometimes the staples are just hanging there, and someone could get hurt.

68 Marginal Way
Portland, Maine

Last Time You Killed a Photo Booth Chick, You Had to Serve Six Whole Months of a Life Sentence

Clerk: I’m sorry, ma’am, but these photos are professional. There’s no way I could let you print these without a release form.
Customer, angry: If I didn’t just get out of prison, I would through such a fit!
Mother: Just calm down and walk away.

Cleveland, Ohio

There Goes the Dream of Olympic Gold…Showers

Co-worker #1: I just got this great book you should read. It’s got
everything you always wanted to know about sex. It’s got pictures and
positions and everything.
Co-worker #2: Books are for amateurs. When it comes to sex I’m a pro.

1215 2nd Avenue
Nashville, Tennessee

Guess Who Never Has to Go Shopping Again

Coworker: So then he came home with all these bags of groceries, all proud, and after he got them all put away, I was like, ‘That’s not groceries! That’s meat and a pineapple!’

1450 Energy Park Drive
St. Paul, Minnesota

Overheard by: JoJo

But All It Said Was “Please Remember to Recycle”

Female sales exec: Did you get that e-mail I sent you?
Male sales exec: Yeah.
Female sales exec: What’d you think?
Male sales exec: I’d give it a 90 percent.
Female sales exec: What made you take 10 off?
Male sales exec: It didn’t say anything about Jesus being the savior. I mean, that’s why we celebrate Christmas. You can’t have Christmas without Easter.
Female sales exec: Oh.

Cincinnati, Ohio

Overheard by: So I can’t call it Xmas?

4PM Schedule 2nd Interviews

Worker on phone: I’m sorry, we can’t hire you…It’s not that, it’s just that I don’t want to work with you.

3838 NW 13th Street
Gainesville, Florida

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