Phone Rep: Sir, are you self-employed?…OK. And do you own the prison?
14700 Citicorp Drive
Hagerstown, Maryland
Phone Rep: Sir, are you self-employed?…OK. And do you own the prison?
14700 Citicorp Drive
Hagerstown, Maryland
Englishman: Can I have a tablespoon, please?
Puzzled waitress: Is that a spoon?
University and 30th Street
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Zombie
Battleaxe: You know, pretty soon we’ll start to see refugees from New Orleans at this school…I’d rather that than the Muslims.
695 Park Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Carl Limbacher
Co-worker #1: Man, New Orleans has sure turned into something out of Lord Of The Rings.
Co-worker #2: Don’t you mean Lord Of The Flies?
800 Hennepin Ave S
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Counter girl: Did I tell you I almost got locked up last night?
Male customer: Fo’ what?
Counter girl: I took my homegirl’s car and rode over to my baby daddy’s momma house. Po-lice got me going through a light. I was like, “Shit, man, I got weed and a rock in my joint, and my shit’s suspended, yo.”
Male customer: That’s some Cops shit, girl!
Girl: Fo’ reals…But I worked my way out with a warning, got my baby, went home, and smoked that shit.
11th Street & F Street
Washington, DC
Overheard by: suddenly not hungry
Engineer: So, we think we got the problem with the RAM failures locked down.
Boss: You’ve really been engorged this week, haven’t you?
Engineer: What?
6540 Lusk Boulevard
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Im engorged this week…
Insurance rep: Were any citations issued?
Worker: Just one, for inattention.
Insurance rep: Inattention: that’s not a word, is it?
Worker: Sure it is. It means they weren’t paying attention.
Insurance rep: Oh, I know what it means, I just don’t think it’s a word.
3701 S. Lindbergh Boulevard
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Brian Muench
Hair stylist: What do you do for a living? You look like a lawyer.
Customer: Actually, I’m a doctor.
Hair stylist: Well, that’s a kind of a lawyer.
Cloverdale Plaza
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Manager: I’m sorry that was a dumb question, I just didn’t have enough to eat before lunch.
1005 17th Street
Denver, Colorado
Woman #1: Large men have dick dos. You want to know what large women have?
Woman #2: I don’t know, what?
Woman #1: Gunts.
1695 E. Ave
Buffalo, New York
Tour guide: And this here is what we call a “grotto,” from the French word for “water.”
Secret Caverns
Cobleskill, New York
