Boss on phone, trying to dig himself out of a hole: I've been straight and honest and very clear and precise in what I say. I am very careful and think about what I say before I let it come out of my mouth, except this one time, but it went over everybody's head, so I don't think they noticed.
University
Maine
Circulation clerk: I was talking to her about how peaceful it is in here, and now she’s going to go get a knife.
1035 North Treat Avenue
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Volks
Probationee: You’re a good listener. You really listen when I talk to you. You’re like a pedophile.
Probation officer: A what?
Probationee: A pedophile, you know. Someone who is a good listener.
Lancaster County Offices
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Receptionist: No, sir. No, I don't know where you heard that. (pause) No, our judges cannot issue you a new Green Card over the phone.
Baltimore, Maryland
New office girl: Oh! You just had to go and print on the noisy tractor-feed printer. Now I can't hear my song!
(printer stops)
Old office girl #2: Is that…?
Old office girl #3: The Titanic Song?
Old office girl #2: Are you serious?
Old office girl #3: THIS is your song?
Charlotte, North Carolina
Blonde: Oh, you can’t make the appointment tomorrow?
Older lady: No, I have a rehearsal dinner tomorrow.
Blonde: Oh, wow! What play are you in?
Older lady: No, a rehearsal dinner is for a wedding.
Blonde: Oh! … Why do you have to rehearse dinner?
Westport Road
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Glad I’m not blonde
Boss to underling: It's not that Ender's Game is Sci-Fi, it's just set in the future.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: annoyed office mate
Co-Worker, reading email: Can you believe this shit?! The nerve! “For those over 50, special healthcare benefits.” Over 50! How can they send me this shit and…Oh, there’s a free lunch. [Pause] Well, maybe I’ll go.
Trinity Place
New York, New York
Project manager: Well, the design document is undergoing revisement.
Tech lead: Excuse me, undergoing what?
Project manager: …it’s being revised right now.
Tech lead: Don’t you mean revision?
Project manager: No. That would be like saying that listening to someone’s advice is taking their words under advision.
One Charles Park
Cambridge, Massachusetts
VP: Hi! Nice to see you. I hope we’ll be meeting soon!
Ad agency rep: Yes, like right now? Since that’s why we’re here.
Central Park South
New York, New York
