General Idiocy

3PM Bathroom Break

Worker #1: I think there must be something wrong with this phone.
Worker #2: Why?
Worker #1: Every day I check it here and it always goes out at the same time and I can’t get a signal
Worker #2: Do you always use it in the bathroom?
Worker #1: Yeah, I don’t understand why every day at the same it doesn’t work.
Worker #2: Why don’t you take it outside?

He goes outside the bathroom for a couple of minutes and comes back in.

Worker #1: See? I come back in and it’s not working.
Boss in stall: You’re surrounded by two feet of concrete in every direction! The signal can’t penetrate!

2011 Mahone Avenue
Fort Lee Virginia

Overheard by: badford

If This Has Happened to You, Raise Your Good Hand

Programmer: Oh, thank god! My replacement iPhone. Not having it is like having my arm cut off. (looking at courier, he notices he has a stub instead of his right arm. Embarrassed, he signs for it and tries to hand stylus back to courier's stub. The courier leaves without saying anything)
Programmer: I want to go home now.

Brisbane
Australia

Overheard by: Chris

‘Yiddish’ Is Jew-Speak for ‘Fuck You, Jesus Boy’

WASP: I know what that says! It’s written in Jewish!
Bagel wench: Yiddish?
WASP: Are you Jewish?

Noah’s Bagels, Manhattan Beach Boulevard
Manhattan Beach, California

Overheard by: just wants to make bagels in peace

The Aisles Only Go Up to 13.

Saleslady to woman: How may I help you?
Woman: Hi, I'm looking for something specific.
(45 seconds of silence)
Saleslady: Aisle 14.

Victor, New York

Overheard by: Yikes!

I Was Happier When This Was an All-Idiot Company

Manager #1, waiting for elevator: He said it was intermittent.
Manager #2: He said it was what?
Manager #1: You know, like in her mittens.
Manager #2: Oh, in her mittens.
Manager #1: Yeah, mittens. (makes lobster claw motions with hand)
Manager #2: I never understand a word that comes out of his mouth.

Middleton, Wisconsin

Overheard by: The Receptionist

Unfortunately, St. Peter Is a Great Bouncer

Sassy employee: Just give me my fucking heaven ticket, bitch! I just want to go to heaven.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: She's not a hater, just a discriminator

11AM Tech Training

Manager: Can you spell my email address?
IT guy: It’s your name!
Manager: I know, but could you spell it for me?

1979 Marcus Avenue
Lake Success, New York

Overheard by: Why am I the temp again?!?

Make Sure They Put It in a Box

Pizza worker: Hello, XYZ Pizza* — will this be for pick up or delivery?
Customer: Delivery, but we will come in to pay for it.
Pizza worker: Pardon me? Do you want your order delivered or will you pick it up?
Customer, to someone in background: Do you want to just pick the food up if we are going in there anyways? [Into phone] I guess we will pick the food up.

Lackawanna, New York

What's the Finance Code for That?

Worker #1, about customer: How is it “annually” if she did it in September, and it's June now?
Worker #2: She's a moron.

Austin, Texas

Any Time There’s No One Else in the Building, That Is

Supervisor: I’m sorry, you guys are going to have to keep this door to the hallway open.
Temp: But it’s so noisy out there.
Supervisor: I’m sorry, but we like to have an open door policy. If you want, you can come talk to me about it privately at any time.

1166 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York

Overheard by: a different temp

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