And Your Offspring Will Come Out with Sparkling Teeth

Office worker: To me, Clorox cleans everything. They figure out a way to put Clorox inside a body, and you'll have a cure for Aids.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: anyabelisle

Posted on April 29, 2015
Employees, General Idiocy, Health & Hygiene, Illinois

Usually Crack is the Long-term Goal…

Suit: Let me introduce you to our crackhead intern…[Patrick].

51 West 52nd Street
New York, NY

Overheard by: E-nigmatic

Posted on April 28, 2015
General Idiocy, New York, Substance Use & Abuse, Suits

Baby with Plastic Bag on Head: I’m Slowly Asphyxiating, Moms

Nurse: Yeah, and she came in with a bandanna rotting inside her. Her brilliant boyfriend used it as a condom.
Girl #1: Dude! Sperm will soak right through that shit! He should have used a plastic bag or something. Maybe some Saran Wrap and a rubber band.
Girl #2: Seriously! What if she got pregnant?
Girl #1: The baby will come out with a doo-rag on its head, saying, ‘Whassup, Moms?!’

Saratoga & Kiely

Overheard by: People are sick

Posted on April 28, 2015
California, Coworkers, Default, General Idiocy, Gripes, Health & Hygiene, Nurses, Sexuality

Shopping at Tautology

Girl: Excuse me, do you carry tonic water?
Stock boy: Yeah, I think so. I mean, if we have it, it’s probably somewhere in the store.
Girl: Uh, thanks.

Schnooks
Memphis, Tennessee

Posted on April 27, 2015
Dumb Employees, General Idiocy, Midsouth, Tennessee

Oh Wait. I Mean Asparagus.

Woman at table with friends: Eskimos are really fascinating. Did you know that they almost always have twins? (friends shake their heads) Oh, wait. I mean sheep.

http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2008/11/now-i-want-some-eskimo-cheese.html

Overheard by: Ian

Posted on April 27, 2015
Animals, Family, Friends, General Idiocy, Washington DC

…Have a Lovely Day, Motherfuckers.

Manager of convenience store at Shell service station, to clerk, in front of customers: Jesus, I can't wait until this goddamned customer appreciation week is over.

Kansas City, Missouri

Overheard by: tallulah_iroquois

Posted on April 27, 2015
Bosses, Customers, Employees, General Idiocy, Gripes, Insults, Missouri, Office Politics

They’re Bringing the Hat with a Buckle Back

Old hag customer: Isn’t that one of those pilgrims from just South of here? She’s ugly as sin.
Bimbette clerk: Oh my god! There are still pilgrims alive? And they live there? That explains so much about the Indian reservation being just down the road.

562 East Main Street
Louisville, Mississippi

Overheard by: Doesn’t Work There Anymore