Teacher: When he came in to register his kids here, he tried to use his arrest report as his proof of address. “Possession with intent to sell,” it said. I told him, “You can’t use that as your proof of address; you need a BGE or a water bill.”
2000 Cecil Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland
Coworker #1, after mayoral election: So, did you vote yesterday?
Coworker #2: For what, American Idol?
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Voter
Female customer: You know, Walt Disney was afraid of mouses.
Friend: Yeah, he also had one in his house.
501 West Lincoln Trail Boulevard
Radcliff, Kentucky
Manager: Be sure that you take a coat with you if go over there, because when it’s warm here, it’s cold there.
Employee: In England?
Manager: Yeah, their summer is like our winter.
Employee: I don’t think so.
Manager, frustrated: Well, it’s true. I went there in May, and it was freezing. I had to wear a jacket all the time. They’re in, like, a different hemisphere, or something.
Employee, laughing: No, they aren’t. They’re just further North than we are, and their climate’s a little different. Australia’s in a different hemisphere. England is in the same hemisphere that we are — North… West.
Manager, in a cold fury: Look. I’ve been there.
Hamilton Drive
Smithfield, North Carolina
Overheard by: westward ho
Admin: One of our districts is having trouble modifying a document from our website.
Graphic Designer: It can’t be modified. It’s a PDF.
Admin: Right. So I was wondering if you would turn off the PDF so they can make their changes.
Graphic Designer: …Um, no.
2100 I-70 Drive SW
Columbia, Missouri
Assistant: What year is it now?
Manager: 2005
Assistant : Still? Okay! It’s so easy to forget what year it is, isn’t it?
Manager: Not really.
Assistant: So it’s 2006 in–
Manager: January 1st!
Commercial Road
Hull, East Yorkshire
UK
Overheard by: Simon Green
Female HR, about absent coworker: I hope she's just an asshole and not dead.
Marlborough, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Justa Temp
Peon, answering phone: Hello, XYZ* architects.
Caller: I'm from universal healthcare, is Mr. Smith* in?
Peon: No. I'm sorry, but he's retired.
Caller: Okay, but is he in?
Peon: No, he's retired.
Caller: Right, you said that, but is he in?
Peon: Do you not know what “retired” means?
Caller: I guess not.
Ybor City, Florida
CSR on phone: Your name, please?
Client: Patti Thomson*. That’s Thompson, without a P.
CSR: No P in Patti?!
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
IT guy: This is brand new. It's pre-owned.
Coworker: So is it brand new? Or pre-owned?
IT guy: It's brand new pre-owned.
Plainsboro, New Jersey
Overheard by: God help us.
