Guy with wallet-chain and flannel shirt: The only difference between me and Kurt Cobain is I don’t have a heroin addiction. Or a shotgun.
3rd floor, Accenture building
Austin, Texas
Guy with wallet-chain and flannel shirt: The only difference between me and Kurt Cobain is I don’t have a heroin addiction. Or a shotgun.
3rd floor, Accenture building
Austin, Texas
Secretary: I’ve been meaning to ask you a question.
Lawyer: Sure, what’s up?
Secretary: So you’re Indian, right? I’m going to an Indian funeral today. And I’m not sure how to act.
Lawyer: Well…you’re not supposed to laugh.
Secretary: But they’re so Indian that they’re going to have her cremated.
Lawyer: That doesn’t mean you can laugh. Also wear all white.
1425 K Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: callmeahab
Drone #1: Crikey Moses! Who the hell wants their picture taken in the Mastermind chair?
Drone #2: Crikey Moses?! You need some better swear words!
201 Wood Lane
London, England
Supervisor to dark-skinned Indian employee: Were you out much this weekend? You are so tan.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Lab tech finding other scientists spraying glue: Ahhh! Free isocyanates!
Scientist: Get out of here!
Rockland, Maryland
Overheard by: Chemdork
Boss: This is not an interactive meeting, so no feedback of any kind. Every customer who gives a commitment today will get a $350 Home Depot giftcard. This is only until the end of business today.
Loan Officer: But I got a customer commitment yesterday. Can I tell her that we will send her one?
Boss: Didn’t I just say that this meeting is not interactive? I won’t answer your stupid questions.
Loan Office: …So what’s the answer?
The boss storms out.
Loan Officer: I’ll just ask him later.
2700 Westchester Avenue
Purchase, New York
Cube chick #1: I thought you put that up so everyone could see.
Cube chick #2: Nope. This is just for me. (deep sigh) I don't know why they made her bald.
Cube chick #1: I think they're trying to make her look 3-d.
Carol Stream, Illinois
Overheard by: eh what?
Prettyish, 20-something salesgirl: I think before the swine flu, no one in this country new what a “swine” even was.
50-something sales manager: Well, that's because it's German. Swinehund! Get it?
Schaumburg, Illinois
Coworker#1: Okay, I’m back.
Coworker#2: Where did you go?
Coworker#3: We went to get a slushie.
Coworker#2: What? Where’s mine?
Coworker#1: You didn’t say you wanted one.
Coworker#2: Well, must my slushie needs be known to everyone? I just can’t believe you went without even asking me.
Coworker#3: How is she supposed to know if you wanted a slushie?
Coworker#2: I always ask her if she wants one when I go. I even give her money if she wants one. Oh, and look now. Now your’re drinking it in front of me.
Coworker #1: Dude! You never said you wanted one. You even saw me walk out. Do you even want one?
Coworker# 2: No, I’m fine.
19219 N 4th Street
Covington, Louisiana
Data entry worker #1: So I told her I need special glasses because of my stigmata.
Data entry worker #2: Your what?
Data entry worker #1: My stigmata.
Data entry worker #2: You have stigmata?
Data entry worker #1: Yeah.
Data entry worker #2: You suffer the wounds of Jesus?
Data entry worker #1: What?
Passing supervisor: She means her “astigmatism.”
Data entry worker #2: Like in my eyes.
Data entry worker #1: (laughs hysterically)
Bridgeton, Missouri
Overheard by: Ready for Jesus
