Florida

So There’s Gay, Married –and Now Possibly This Third Category

Female peon #1, in reference to cute co-worker: So, what happened with that guy you gave your number to?
Female peon #2: Oh, girl, I didn’t tell you?!
Female peon #1: No, what happened?
Female peon #2: Listen to this… he never called me, right? And I really wanted to know what was up with that. So, I walked over to him the other day and said, “Hi, how’s it going?” Well, we got to talking, and he said he was sorry he never called, but that he isn’t looking for a relationship right now… because he’s trying to concentrate on his relationship with Jesus Christ!
[Female peon #1 and eavesdropping co-workers break into laughter.]Female peon #2: Can you believe that? I was rejected for Jesus!

Melbourne, Florida

Overheard by: Kitty

Power Means Never Having to Be Coherent

Boss: Why didn’t you have a cover letter on the copy to the client?
New employee: I didn’t know I was supposed to have one. I didn’t think to ask if I needed it.
Boss: From now on, if you don’t know the question, you should ask it.

1700 66th Street
St. Petersburg, Florida

We Edited Out the Offensive Sign Language

Designer: So, David*, what are you doing tonight?
Deaf box office manager: I’m-on-eh-leh.
Designer: Oh, you’re going to get laid?
(deaf box office manager nods)
Designer: Well, that’s nice.

Fort Lauderdale, Florida

He Was Quickly Eliminated from The Price Is Right

Customer: Do you have seven-packs of nuggets?
Cashier: We have eight or twelve.
Customer: Oh, wonderful. I’ll take twelve.

Orange City, Florida

Overheard by: laughing

We Love the Things We Love For What They Are

Nurse: Have you ever done any other drugs? Cocaine? Meth?
Patient: I have loved meth since the day it was introduced to me.

Gall Boulevard
Zephyrhills, Florida

Now You’ve Gone and Spoiled the Ending

Scientist: What are the goals of this management plan?
Project manager: The goal is to come up with a plan to manage the system, but we are not authorized to actually manage anything.
Scientist: So the goal of this meeting is really an excuse for you to draw on the white board and act important?

3301 Gun Club Road
West Palm Beach, Florida

I’m Barred from the NASA Museum for Life

Male coworker: In my own little way I got to ride John Glenn’s rocket!

Gaines Street
Tallahassee, Florida

Overheard by: Just passing by

Career Tip: Nobody Wants the Details on Your Personal Hygiene

Coworker, smelling her armpit: My armpit smells great today. (pauses, smells the other armpit) Almost as good as this one.

Fort Myers, Florida

Overheard by: Greg Dunn

Seriously, Ladies, Get Off the Steroids Before It's Too Late

Male buyer: Did you take care of Tina's Johnson?
Female buyer: (blank stare)
Male buyer: Well, that didn't sound right now, did it?

Melbourne, Florida

Overheard by: Cupcake

We Just Don’t Have Enough Slavepower

Lady: Uhh, hi, do you sell cigarettes?
Cashier: No, this is a plant nursery.
Lady: Yeah, I know. So you don’t have them?
Cashier: No, ma’am, this is a plant nursery. We sell plants here.
Lady: But cigarettes come from tobacco, and that’s a plant. I figured if anyone would sell them it would be you.

6831 Central Avenue
St. Petersburg, Florida

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