Coworker standing on table: I feel like I'm dead and I'm watching over you.

Orlando, Florida

Coworker on phone: I don't want to know, dude. It's like if the condom broke with a skank… I really don't want to think about the pregnancy, or if she has the herpes, until she gets a tummy or I get a cold sore.

Boca Raton, Florida

Patient: Do you offer any discounts if this is my second surgery?
Receptionist: Sure, we can throw in a free appendectomy or colonoscopy… Your choice.

Orange Avenue
Orlando, Florida

Office girl on phone: Am I coming into you or are you coming into me?

Melbourne, Florida

Overheard by: John

Coworker #1 to coworker #2, wearing a cast: What did you do to your hand?
Coworker #2: I broke my thumb.
Coworker #1: You need your thumb. That's what makes you not a monkey!

Titusville, Florida

Overheard by: Hoss

Engineer: I have a college degree in engineering. I know about these things.
Line lead: Well, I’ve got a big dick… That doesn’t make me a porn star! [Engineer leaves.]

Boat factory
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: i dont want to see that movie

Office monkey #1: Sometimes I think it'd just be easier to be gay.
Office monkey #2: Except for the butt sex.
Office monkey #1: …I could take it.

Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Only woman here…

Is This a New Trend We're Missing?

Sales rep: I have been waiting for this woman to show up for so long that my clients are looking at me like I am a monkey humping a football.

Clearwater, Florida

Coworker #1: Hey, dude, can you cover the office this evening? I have the runs.
Coworker #2: No, I think my daughter wants me to pick her up.
Coworker #1: Dang, man, I guess I'll just eat some cheese.

Mayport, Florida

Overheard by: Bluevain Thunder

Office lady #1: Did you hear? My buddy shot and killed someone Monday night.
Office lady #2: Uh, what?
Office lady #1: Yep, my buddy Tex! (scurries over to pick up newspaper to proudly show)
Office lady #2: Wow. That's a bit strange.
Office lady #1: I know. Now I know someone that killed somebody!

Jacksonville, Florida