Queer employee: Don’t we have any hard candy to suck on?

5200 Blue Lagoon Drive
Miami, Florida

Overheard by: Lizzo

Female co-worker: Oh my god, I love gay Asians!

Ad Agency

Military contractor: Well, on one hand he said I was one of the most efficient people he’s ever worked with. On the other hand, I almost got a lieutenant kicked out under ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.’

Eglin Air Force Base

Office Manager: Well, I’m done with my conference call.
Employee: That wasn’t very long.
Office Manager: Sorry about that. I aim to satisfy.

132 East Central Avenue
Lake Wales, Florida

Male boss to female employee: The best way to learn is on your knees. That way they don’t fall as far if you drop them.

Orlando, Florida

COO: Hey, Dave*! Larry* just called.
VP: Really, how's he doing?
COO: He said to make sure when I see you to say, “Fuck you, Dave*!”

Miami, Florida

Overheard by: UN Reject

Designer: Hey, look, I’m finished with Page 2, now all I need are your lottery numbers.
EA: The numbers aren’t in yet…It’s going to be another 40 minutes before they come in.
Designer: Well, can’t you just forecast what the numbers will be?

200 E. Las Olas Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Overheard by: W. Texas Mike

Female coworker: Okay, so I have an electric one and I have one that runs on batteries. I think I'm taking the one that runs on batteries.

Clearwater, Florida

Worker: [Jeff] didn’t come in because he has pneumonia. We went to the hospital yesterday.
Manager: Ever since you and [Jeff] started dating he’s begun falling apart. Now he’s got pneumonia. That’s what drugs will do to you; lower your immune system.
Worker: That couldn’t have been it…It’s been 2 weeks since we’ve taken ecstacy.

7350 S. Tamiami Trail
Sarasota, Florida

Guy to friend: It was just like Barney… but with Cubans and machetes.

Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: sarswolu