Boss, just after coworker's mother died: Yeah, I have my mother's obituary all written already. I saved it in Word so it's all set and ready to go.
Bradford, Pennsylvania
Boss, just after coworker's mother died: Yeah, I have my mother's obituary all written already. I saved it in Word so it's all set and ready to go.
Bradford, Pennsylvania
Studio exec #1: Do pregnancy tests come in that big of a box?
Studio exec #2: You know… when you buy your pregnancy tests at Costco, you're a huge slut!
Santa Monica, California
Coworker: I think I'm a good parent about 50% of the time. I was telling my wife last night that it would be easier if we could just have “time-share children,” and only have to parent them a couple weeks per year.
Jenkintown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: I think he's on to something!
Young boy: Look, daddy, there's the big dicks! Yesterday we saw the small dicks and today we seen the big dicks. Which do you like better, daddy, the small dicks or the big dicks?
Father: I prefer the big dicks, but don't tell your mother.
Johnson City, Tennessee
Overheard by: only if this were Victoria Secrets
Woman to group of friends: I just can't get over how my son and daughter have the same initials.
Appleton, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Count Chocula
Middle-aged worker bee on phone: Mother, are you pregnant?
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Father mechanic: You sound like your mother.
Son mechanic: Yeah, but I'm not throwing an iron at you. Or a dictionary.
Father mechanic: I loved her until then.
Car Dealership
Oakville, Ontario
Canadia
Woman: So, you're taking your daughter swimming today?
Man: Yeah, her first lesson is doggy style.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: I didn't think we lived in West Virgina
Sales associate: Can I help you find something, ma'am?
Woman: Oh, no thanks, my husband is just looking for a screw.
Hardware Store
Falmouth, Massachusetts
Attorney on phone: She's a full-time mommy and a full time lawyer. I don't know how she does it.
Eavesdropping legal assistant, muttering: That means she's only part-time…
Austin, Texas
