“By ‘worked out’, I meant ‘snorted Twinkies’.”

Sales guy: When I was in Princeton [NJ], I worked out every day and I still gained 7 pounds.
Engineer: I gained seven pounds and I didn’t work out at all.
Sales guy: That’s why you’re an engineer!

350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY

Posted on July 21, 2014
Age and ageing, Comebacks, Engineers, Health & Hygiene, New York, Sales, Sports

We Don’t Have to Be Polite Because We Won

Japanese engineer: So how is Detroit?
American engineer: Well, Detroit is what Chicago would look like if a nuclear bomb blew up there.
Japanese engineer: Nuclear bomb?
American engineer: Yeah, you know, like what a city would look like after you dropped a nuclear bomb on it. Kinda like that.

300 Takatsuka
Hamamatsu, Shizuoka
Japan

Posted on July 10, 2014
Engineers, Geography & History, Japan, Office Politics, Questions

Technically, He’s for Affirmative Action

Manager: It’s just that I don’t want any of those old, white computers. The only good ones are black nowadays.
Engineer: That sounds pretty racist…
Manager: Well, I don’t care.

41000 Vincenti Court
Novi, Michigan

Overheard by: Stefan Bankowski

Posted on July 10, 2014
Comebacks, Dumb Bosses, Engineers, Michigan, Race, Technology

Neither Of These Employees Is Allowed to Speak to Customers

Engineer: Ew! Megan Fox's thumbs look like toes!
Technician: Yeah, but I bet they don't taste like toes!

Warrington
England

Overheard by: jon drake

Posted on July 8, 2011
Engineers, England, Physical Appearance, Pop culture, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness

Why Would a Dog-Grooming Machine Have a Purée Cycle, Though

Engineer coworker on phone: I've got this article. You should read it. It's a patent. We could do this!

Wisconsin

Posted on June 24, 2011
Advice, Engineers, Money, On the phone, Technology, Wisconsin

“Personhole,” Then?

Senior engineer: Mate, how are you going along with the quotation for that corrosion protection for the anchors?
Junior engineer: Yeah, I've only got one till now. This one is from manhole greasing.
Female HR manager, sitting close by: Sorry to interrupt you guys, but this manhole grease thing just sounds dodgy…

Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: Sanjeev

Posted on April 14, 2011
Australia, Engineers, Human Resources, Weirdness, Words

Necessitating Subtitles

Engineer lady: You're from Canada, right?
Heavily accented engineer guy: No… Australia.
Engineer lady: Oh, right. I knew it was some place with an accent!

Everett, Washington

Posted on March 17, 2011
Engineers, General Idiocy, Geography & History, Questions, Washington

We Bow to Our Submitter's Subtle Pun Here

Quality engineer: Alright, so who wants to do it orally?

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Blown Away

Posted on February 23, 2011
Engineers, Maryland, Offers and requests, Possible Sexual Harassment, Questions

And the Elves Who Assembled It in Their Hollow Factree

Engineer: It's a mini keyboard. I have a computer hooked up to my tv so I can browse the internet and watch p… movies.
Manager, laughing: I heard the “p.”
Salesgirl: Wait, so you lay in bed and play with it?
Manager: Actually, yes, that's exactly what he was saying.
Sales girl: Oh, can I touch it?
Engineer: Only me and the FedEx driver have touched it.

New York, New York

Posted on February 11, 2011
Admins, Engineers, New York, Possible Sexual Harassment, Questions, Sales, Technology, Weirdness

…Please Ignore the Flowers and Balloons I Sent.

Engineer on phone, in happy voice: Kevin! Congratulations! (pause, then in sad voice) Oh… my condolences.

Fishkill, New York

Overheard by: Bored Engineer

Posted on November 11, 2010
Death, Engineers, Feelings, New York, On the phone, Weirdness

Engineers