Visiting executive: So I want to talk about branch 512. What letter does the branch code end with?
Regional manager: Y.
Visiting executive: Y?
Regional manager: Yes, Y. As in “yak.”
Visiting executive: Oh, I see.
Regional manager: Stacey, can you give us an update on branch 512Y?
Stacey: You had me at “yak.”
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Stacey Quit 3 Weeks Later
Office rat on office-wide intercom: Could you be any more Caucasian?
Owings Mills, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
Employee: This memo was sent back saying that your signature wasn't acceptable, someone higher up has to sign it.
Boss: Oh yeah, there is a memo for that. The big boss signed a memo stating that I can sign the memos that he is supposed to sign.
Employee: I'm sorry, I must not have heard about that. Where can I get a copy?
Boss: It's saved in the financial directory folder. By the way, so everyone is on the same page, do you think you could send out a memo about that?
Large University
Michigan
Office drone: I feel like an ape… my thumbs don't oppose anymore.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: usual suspect
Front desk person in overhead announcement at a busy medical clinic: I need a hearse–no, I'm sorry, I need a nurse from hall three to call the front desk please. A nurse from hall three to call the front desk. Thank you.
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Overheard by: seftiri
Administrative assistant on phone: I was just calling because I have seventy five Nigerians in need of a campus tour, and I know you're good at that sort of thing.
University of Notre Dame, Indiana
Customer: Could you bring some crackers for him? (points to toddler)
Waiter: Sure, do you want me to crumble them up and throw them on the floor for him too?
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
Sales girl: Oh my god… David* is back there cleaning his office and the smell is making my head hurt.
Office manager: What’s he cleaning it with?
Sales girl: The same Fantastic crap under the sink that we all use. I’ve used it on my own desk and never been so overwhelmed by the fumes. Don’t go back there.
Office manager: Why is he cleaning it himself anyway?
Sales girl: I don’t know. (pause) He must be bathing in it. Seriously, I had to get up and walk away.
Office manager: Just close his door.
Sales girl, appalled: I can’t do that! The fumes would kill him! It would be fatal!
Office manager, grabbing her arm: Close the door. Close. The. Door.
England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
