Employee: Can I help you find something?
Customer: No, you don’t have it.
Employee: Then why are you still here?
Northgate Mall
Seattle, Washington
Employee: Can I help you find something?
Customer: No, you don’t have it.
Employee: Then why are you still here?
Northgate Mall
Seattle, Washington
Grunt: The mothers, the kids, everyone — cut ’em up and shred ’em!
506 Jersey Avenue
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Overheard by: in the slurbs
Lady #1, surprised after leaving meeting: Can you believe he was right about that?
Lady #2, angry: Ugh. No. Now I have to give him a blowjob.
New York City, New York
Overheard by: …Wants to be in that department
Male barista, startled by close stance of male trainees: Dude storm, dude storm!
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Employee: I need the $5. Reimbursement from the basket I bought for the company.
Controller: Okay… I need a receipt.
Employee: I gave it to you.
Controller: When?
Employee: A year and a half ago.
Controller: Are you kidding?
Employee: No.
Lakewood, New Jersey
Senior: Isn’t “Butternut Bread” a brand? I know there is Mrs Baird’s, Iron Kids… Sunbeam…
Intern: Oh, there’s a strip club around here with a one-armed stripper named Sunbeam… But we call her “Nub”.
Senior: [Silence.]
Houston, Texas
Employee: I mean, really — who uses the word ‘lubricant’ in passing?
48th Street and Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Woman: Where is your next conference?
Hairdresser: Boston.
Woman: Oh, I love Boston.
Hairdresser: Yeah, I've never been to the East Coast before. (pauses) Well, no, I guess I have been to Kentucky.
Hays, Kansas
