Southern woman: No! You suck the head because that’s where all the juice is!
Confused employee #1: I thought your shirt said “Bite the head off and eat the meat!”
Confused employee #2: What the fuck are you sadistic bitches talking about?
Southern woman (laughing): Crawdads! I’m talking about crawdads!
West Fargo, North Dakota
Overheard by: Orion
Grunt: I’m sorry, Rick*. You’re gonna have to start over. I completely zoned out. I saw you standing there, and I heard you talking, and it sounded great, but…
10877 Watson Road
St. Louis, Missouri
Manager: Sorry I’m late. I was upstairs looking for pictures of Conway Twitty to print and scare Marie with. He’s her Freddie Kruger.
Kanawha Boulevard West
Charleston, West Virginia
Overheard by: CubReporter
Female cubicle dweller on phone: Without those steroids, I'm not even functionable.
Marlborough, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Functional Coworker
Library patron approaching the desk: Uhhhhh, someone left their pants.
Anchorage, Alaska
Overheard by: Emily
Woman in elevator, pointing to sonogram picture: What is that?
Man showing the sonogram: Oh, she is holding his testicle.
Dallas, Texas
Loud chick: Why bother callin' it a vacation day when you can just call in sick?
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Employee #1: Why are you pulling all of those nuts off the shelf?
Employee #2: They were recalled because of the salmonella outbreak.
Employee #1: Oh. I didn't know there was peanut butter in those nuts.
Ohio
Overheard by: Sofa Kingdom
Manager at employee bathroom: Why is this door propped open?
Waiter: Eric* just dropped a bomb in there.
Manager: Fuck, man, spray that air freshener.
Waiter: I did. The stink actually laughed at me.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
