Coworker #1: Nah, man, I can't afford a whole case of beer.
Coworker #2: Then get a bottle of mad dog and a couple of hits of acid.
Coworker #1: Can you imagine changing a dirty diaper drunk and on acid?
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: I can't imagine changing diapers sober…
Male systems analyst: Why don't you just finish that bottle of water? You've only got like two swallows left.
Female student intern: Oh, I've swallowed a lot more than that.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Young hipster : You all should come to this CD release party! You too, Sue*, I'll even buy you a Shirley Temple!
Old fashioned, anal retentive co-worker: I don't drink.
Hipster: But it's non-alcoholic!
Old fashioned, anal retentive co-worker: I said I don't drink, I don't drink non-alcoholic!
Hipster, confused: But, uh… There's no alcohol in it.
Old fashioned, anal retentive co-worker, getting irate: I don't care! I won't drink it!
St. Louis, Missouri
Intern #1: You know, the ABC Family really is a new kind of family.
Intern #2: What do you mean?
Intern #1: Well it's promoting underage drinking and teen pregnancy. Yay, family!
Richmond, Virginia
Soccer mom #1 in line, handing another $100: Here, this isn't a loan.
Soccer mom #2: Why? No sympathy for me! I had money last week, I just spent it on drugs and liquor.
Soccer mom #1: Well, maybe you'll share next time. Take it.
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Tel-ler it like it is
Female coworker: Does your water bottle say “beaver sports”?
Male coworker: Yes. Beaver sports has been in my life as long as I can remember.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Director: How was your vacation?
African American employee: It was good.
Director: You're so dark you can lay in the sun for two minutes, then hang at the Tiki bar all day.
Park Ridge, New Jersey
Overheard by: Lucy
Melancholy sales rep: There was a time when drunk chicks were okay. Not anymore.
Raleigh, North Carolina
Cashier, ringing up case of beer and large box of condoms: Got a busy weekend planned, huh?
Customer: Yeah, my sister's coming into town tonight. Gotta be prepared, you know?
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Lusus Naturae
Boss on phone: What do you mean she's canceling the meeting? (pause) Delayed? Why? (pause) She has breast cancer? That's great! (pause) Oh no! I must have cut out, I said “that's a great tragedy.” (pause) Well, that must be awful. (pause) I see, well, send her my best. (pause) Thank you, bye now. (to entire office) Cancer just saved my ass! Who wants to go for drinks?
Chinatown
Manhattan, New York
