Lab tech: He needs to retake the drug screening.
Nurse: Why? He said he was ready to give a urine sample.
Lab tech: Well… How do I put this delicately? He did give us *a* sample… Just not the kind we needed.
Nurse: Wait, you mean… he… Oh my god! How the hell did he poop in that cup? I am impressed!
Lab tech: Yea, I kinda am to.
Hospital
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Workin’ here for the insurance
[8:30 am, a credit card decline notice from a customer in Hawaii is placed on Paul’s* desk. Paul starts dialing the number.]Will*: Paul, don’t you know it’s 3:30 am there?
Paul, continuing to dial: It’s okay, they’re used to it.
Seminole Trail
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: They are *not* used to that
Co-worker: You know, you should stay home when you’re sick. You ruined my whole weekend.
Sick co-worker: [Laughs.]Co-worker, enraged: I’m not kidding! You ruined my whole weekend! Stay home next time, damnit!
Jefferson Road
Cookeville, Tennessee
Guy in stairway: Smell this and tell me I don’t have a problem.
Plymouth, Pennsylvania
[Nurse #1 attempting to restrain combative patient in a dark room.]Nurse #2: You ah… Want me to turn the lights on?
Nurse #1: No, I tie people up in the dark all the time.
University Hospital
San Antonio, Texas
Resident doctor: Hey! How was the concert? I’m sorry I missed it.
Pre-med: What concert?
Resident doctor: Your dad’s concert.
Pre-med: Oh, it was more like a hoe-down.
Resident doctor: Was there promenading?
Pre-med, nodding head in agreement: There was some promenading.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: snickerpants
Employee yelling to co-worker: Will! What did I say about fish sticks this morning?!
Hartford, Connecticut
Superior #1: So, Joanne wasn’t umm… working out so she left… I shouldn’t say any more.
Inferior #1: She didn’t come to work naked or something?!
Superior #2: [Responds to quizzical looks from others.] That comment has a context!
Cornwallis Road
Research Triangle Park, North Carolina
Overheard by: Ben A. Fit
Male employee: I dropped my pen down under my desk.
Cute female employee: I’ll get down there and get it for you.
Male employee: I don’t think that you crawling up from under my desk is the sort of thing people need to see.
Cute female employee: It’s okay! I come up from under lots of people’s desks.
Greeley, Colorado
Overheard by: Alacrity Fitzhugh
