Border patrol agent: I tried to tell the guy his brother was dead. Metamorphosis had already set in.
3423 Interstate Highway 35
Cotulla, Texas
Border patrol agent: I tried to tell the guy his brother was dead. Metamorphosis had already set in.
3423 Interstate Highway 35
Cotulla, Texas
Manager: We’re all sharks. Remember, guys.
Employee: Huh? Sharks?
Manager: Yeah, we’re all like sharks. Sharks have to keep moving their whole life or they’ll die. They never stop moving. So keep moving, guys! We’re sharks!
Employee: So basically what you’re saying is that if we stop moving, you’ll kill us all?
208 Chain Lake Drive
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Office girl: My mom said she almost wrecked her car the other day because she was watching Elvis pick up trash on the side of the road. My mom said he was picking up trash in his jumpsuit, right there on the side of the road.
Office guy: Elvis was doing a little community service, was he?
Charlotte, North Carolina
Female coworker: Hey there, sweetie. Did you have fun yesterday?
Male coworker: Huh?
Female coworker: You had the day off, didn't you?
Male coworker: I was at a funeral. My grandmother died.
Westlake
Seattle, Washington
Girl #1: It’s so scary hearing about people dying.
Girl #2: Yeah, totally… You can die from so many things. You can die from death, sickness…
Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: elle
Biotech guy: Before you kill it, can I have the germplasm that is causing the issue?
St. Louis, Missouri
EA: …she’s still learning to change a diaper and all that.
Suit: Really?
EA: Yeah, but it’s been extra hard emotionally because our family is really strict and my dad still can’t admit to himself that this happened. All he’s said is, “I sent you to private school! Don’t they have sex ed there?” and “How could this happen?” Which doesn’t help her at all.
Suit: No, probably not.
EA: It’s like, “Dad, the baby is already here, get a grip.” But, well, she’s the baby of the family and I guess we all know how fathers are.
Suit: No, actually, I don’t. I never met mine.
40 IDX Drive
South Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Bubble Wrap THIS
Boss: You're not making up this crap about your grandmother dying, are you?
Analyst: No, do I have to prove it to you?
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Steve
