Guy: You want me to buy 60 dollars’ worth of butt-paste?
4803 Deer Lake Drive
Jacksonville, Florida
Guy: You want me to buy 60 dollars’ worth of butt-paste?
4803 Deer Lake Drive
Jacksonville, Florida
Supervisor #1: I mean, humans are the only ones that are supposed to be having interspecies sex, and even then, I don’t think that we should be.
Supervisor #2: Ew.
Supervisor #3: But that’d probably get you promoted here.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Cube dweller #1: Oh, and I love it when my husband takes his shirt off at night, because then I can pop his back pimples. He hates it when I do that, but I just love it!
Cube dweller #2 and recent hire: [Horrified silence.]Cube dweller #1: Yeah, and last night I was real disappointed, because I was working on a blackhead and it turned out to be a mole.
Cube dweller #3: [Flees cube.]
Medical center
Pittsburg, Kansas
Studio Manager: I loved the part when you were a lesbian.
New York City, New York
Cube rat: Yeah, I’m going to be a giant hymen!
685 Rue Cathcart
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: Burning Ears
HR person: My kids in my home are never too old to be spanked. My daughter’s fourteen, and I’ll beat her ass. Then I’ll tell her, ‘It’s not over. Wait ’til I call your father and he beats your ass.’
1190 North Del Rio Place
Ontario, California
Boss over intercom: [Laurel] please come to my office for a personal favor.
1710 Roy Acuff Place
Nashville, Tennessee
Older, slightly creepy, owner of firm: Do we have any more batteries?
Young, cute receptionist: No, I can order some.
Owner: Nah, just run home and get the ones out of the toy under your pillow.
Houston, Texas
Library patron approaching the desk: Uhhhhh, someone left their pants.
Anchorage, Alaska
Overheard by: Emily
Male store clerk: She’s only seven, but she had the breasts of a thirty-year-old.
Kroger Supermarket
Overheard by: AmberRose Smiles
