Female peon: I love eating a rare steak and then sopping up all the juice with some bread.
Male peon: You know what I like? To puncture a hole in a small animal that runs by my house and catch the blood like a fountain.
Female peon: Um, yeah, that would work, too.
4653 Cotton Gin Loop
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: RebeccaB
Employee: Do you think I can leave my machete on display? I moved my plants and posters.
Supervisor: Machete, cool. Bayonet, not cool. I already asked HR.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Overheard by: I Think I’ll Request A Different Cubicle
Fat old creepy guy interrupting three Asian girls: So how old is this guy?
Asian girl #1 (looking awkwardly at friends): 18.
Asian girl #2: Yeah. (laughs) She likes them young.
Fat old creepy guy: Oooh! (pause) You can train him! Get a collar and a leash and a big stick like the ones my kids use to whack their pigs!
Sacramento, California
Sweet-looking old lady on phone: What’s the word on the street? Yeah, that little girl will do just fine… I told her it doesn’t hurt. Well, if you get a good client, it doesn’t hurt… Well, I’ve got twenty… Great, bye!
University
Fort Collins, Colorado
Overheard by: Terrified Co-Worker
Loud lady peon: Hey, Sheryl*, whenever you want to come over here and smell me, go ahead!
Fairchild Court
Plainview, New York
Overheard by: Tina
Male employee: I think that guy was flirting with you.
Female employee: What are you talking about?
Male employee: You are like the workplace poster girl. Crap, is that harassment?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Centerfold
Coworker on phone: If you want to know any good 12-year-olds, I can tell you. Just ask.
Rancho Cordova, California
Overheard by: Over H. Eard
Supervisor: I think my bird is dying. What should I do?
Coworker #1: Put it in a bag and tie it to your car exhaust.
Coworker #2: Put it in the freezer.
Coworker #3: Put in a bag and whack it.
Supervisor: You people scare me… Go back to work.
Chicago, Illinois
Upset creepy man trying to get access to woman's room: I am wearing a $10,000 watch, you don't have to worry about me stealing anything.
Manager: For all I know, you killed someone and stole their watch.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Ross79
Guy #1: Is this a picture of your daughter?
Guy #2: Yeah. She’s really starting to fill out.
1501 E. Woodfield Road
Schaumburg, Illinois
