Receptionist: Will you watch the phones so I can use the restroom, please?
Salesman: Only if I can smell your seat when you get up!
Chicago, Illinois
Receptionist: Will you watch the phones so I can use the restroom, please?
Salesman: Only if I can smell your seat when you get up!
Chicago, Illinois
Girl, shutting down printer: I'm gonna turn you off.
Creepster: Negative.
Costa Mesa, California
Old man worker #1, across the room: Is the softball team jumping around again?
Old man worker #2, looking out the window: No, they’re running now.
Old man worker #1: That’s just as good.
College Boulevard
Overland Park, Kansas
Co-worker: Can I move your long lovely legs and get some out of your drawers?
Co-worker: Do you ever have one of those days where you’re desperate to have something in your mouth?
Co-worker: I like sucking the mint out of the chocolate of Junior Mints…Don’t hate the skills!
750 First Street NE
Washington, DC
Scruffy guy #1: So you actually wear little girl clothes?
Scruffy guy #2, nodding a lot: Yeah!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Laura
Bar skank: And she got all pissy at me because I wouldn’t share my sex toys with her.
1760 Camino Del Río North
San Diego, California
Overheard by: not sharing mine either
Lady peon: Beautiful day, isn’t it?
Male peon: Sure is — some fine weather here.
Lady peon: I hope it lasts, but I don’t know about this weekend — I’ve heard it might get cool.
Male peon: Yeah, that must be hard for women.
Lady peon: What?
Male peon: Yeah, it must hard trying to figure out what to wear — shorts, skorts, capris, pants, skirts. Guys don’t have that problem.
Lady peon: Okay. You have a good day.
Geneseo, New York
Female peon: I love eating a rare steak and then sopping up all the juice with some bread.
Male peon: You know what I like? To puncture a hole in a small animal that runs by my house and catch the blood like a fountain.
Female peon: Um, yeah, that would work, too.
4653 Cotton Gin Loop
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: RebeccaB
Employee: Do you think I can leave my machete on display? I moved my plants and posters.
Supervisor: Machete, cool. Bayonet, not cool. I already asked HR.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Overheard by: I Think I’ll Request A Different Cubicle
Fat old creepy guy interrupting three Asian girls: So how old is this guy?
Asian girl #1 (looking awkwardly at friends): 18.
Asian girl #2: Yeah. (laughs) She likes them young.
Fat old creepy guy: Oooh! (pause) You can train him! Get a collar and a leash and a big stick like the ones my kids use to whack their pigs!
Sacramento, California
