Crazies

Coworker: Apparently, according to German law, I'm entitled to a castle.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Matt McLaughlin

Guy in crowded elevator that smells like disinfectant: Have you ever been to jail? It smells like jail in here.

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: No, I never have

Employee: Rat balls are nasty!

Raytheon
Raleigh, North Carolina

Overheard by: taaj

Drunk on phone: Hello, is this Frogs?
Intern: No, this is not a bar, it is a place of business.
Drunk on phone: Look…is my honey Lois there?
Intern: No, please don't call anymore. (hangs up)
(phone rings again)
Drunk on the phone: Look…I'm looking for my honey Lois. Is she there?
Intern: No, this is a place of business. Please stop calling.
(hangs up phone, then it rings again)
Drunk on the phone: Have you seen my honey, Lois?
Supervisor: Yeah, I've seen her. She's sitting here at the bar and she's making out with a bunch of guys.
Drunk on the phone: Bitch! Tell her I'm going to kill her.
Supervisor: I would love to, but I think she's having sex right now on the bar. I'll wait until she's done.
Drunk on the phone: I can't believe she is doing this to me. (starts to cry and hangs up phone)
Supervisor to intern: Every once in a while you gotta have a little fun.

Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Annmarie

Guy in next cubicle on phone: Speak up! I can’t hear you because of the solar flares.

1500 West County Road
Roseville, Minnesota

Overheard by: I can’t believe I work here

Mother to child: No, we already have nine guns at home!

Wal-Mart Supercenter, Conneaut Lake Road
Meadville, Pennsylvania

Dude: What I really wanna see is a baby shot out of a cannon through a waterfall of gasoline, over a bundle of lit sparklers, and knock an old lady off a horse, ’cause then I could say I really saw something. [notices cleaning lady] Oh, shit.

Dearborn, Michigan

Overheard by: dude thats fucked up

Guy: You want me to buy 60 dollars’ worth of butt-paste?

4803 Deer Lake Drive
Jacksonville, Florida

Driver piercing long silence on radio, to no one in particular: If I wasn’t a human, I’d be one o’ them cow birds. [Other drivers agree.]

227 Business Route 96
Buna, Texas

Overheard by: Angel

Homeless guy #1: Damn! I just got kicked out of the library! Damn!
Homeless guy #2: What did you do, man?
Homeless guy #1: I don’t know. I don’t know.
Homeless guy #2: Aren’t you drunk?
Homeless guy #1: Well, yeah. Also, I might have been looking at dirty pictures on the computer.
Homeless guy #2: Aw, that’s not so bad.
Homeless guy #1: And they said that I was being disrespectful to the librarians.
Homeless guy #2, freaking out: No way, man! You can never, never disrespect the librarians! Always respect librarians! What were you thinking? Are you an idiot?

Outside Boulder Public Library
Boulder, Colorado

Overheard by: Librarian on break