New mother, about boss’s new book: I’ll pop a boob out while I’m looking at the book. [Coworkers look shocked.] Oh, no! I meant while I’m breastfeeding!
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
New mother, about boss’s new book: I’ll pop a boob out while I’m looking at the book. [Coworkers look shocked.] Oh, no! I meant while I’m breastfeeding!
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Coworker #1: Actually, John* had this idea that all of us who have young kids should bring them into the office one day a week.
Coworker #2: Yeah, that’s a good idea. I mean, we have dogs in the office, so I don’t see why we can’t have children, too!
Hospital
Boston, Massachusetts
Expert Publicist #1: You know what,ya did a shitty job of selling that to the client.
Expert Publicist #2: What’re ya talking about?
Expert Publicist #1: You know, what ya gotta do, ya gotta sell it, ya gotta masturbate his brain.
Expert Publicist #2: What?
Expert Publicist #1: Well if you don’t wanna do it, I’ll masturbate him!
11 Stone Street
New York, NY
Person #1: Where is Marcelo?
Marcelo (walking in conference room): You didn't tell me the time of the meeting changed! You gave me your shaft!
(silence, followed by uncontrollable laughter)
Person #2: Whoever is teaching Marcelo English slang, please stop.
St. Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: Highly Amused
Boss: It’s such a nice day and nothing is happening in here…I think I’m going to leave.
Employee #1: That sounds good. Can I leave, too?
Boss: Sure.
Employee #2: And me?
Boss: If you want. Hey, [Erica]! If the phone rings, then just–
Clerk: Wait, you’re all going to leave me here by myself and you expect me to actually do shit? Fuck you.
101 Braddock Road
Frostburg, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
Young female coworker: Don't take me seriously. I mean, seriously!
Austin, Texas
Session Leader: I’ll leave this badge on the desk. If you need to use the facilities, just take it with you and swipe the reader on the bathroom door.
Participant #1: You need to swipe from the bottom up, right?
Participant #2: Not if you’re a girl!
One Chase Plaza
New York, NY
Coworker #1: Dude, you know that your nose is bleeding?
Intern: Shit, thanks for the heads-up.
Coworker #2: Damn, kid, I wish I woulda known — you could have gotten me some blow.
Government building
Dayton, Ohio
Supervisor: Oh, my husband is in your homeland this week!
Asian supervisor: Oh, California?
Supervisor: Uh, well, I actually meant China. But he’ll be in California in a few weeks.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
