Businesslady: Where the hell is my charger, did I leave it at the office? I thought I put it in, but…Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to talk to myself.
TSA lady: Well, that’s OK, Sugar. Sometimes we have to talk to ourselves because we’re the only ones who can understand.
Sky Harbor Airport
Phoenix, Arizona
Supervisor: Was this class as bad I thought?
Female cop, leaving seminar, about instructor: He likes to say 'quick and dirty' way too much and the dude rambles like a drunk riding a bicycle.
Louisiana State Police Head Quarters
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: i snuck out early, too
Security guard: This guy comes in with an orange juice bottle of vodka every morning! Gimme a shot of that!
Nerdy office worker: Do you really think I look like an alchie? An alchemist, maybe…
Manhattan, New York
Security worker: The girl they adopted was a grown woman, but she was a midget.
Fishers, Indiana
Overheard by: Answer the damn phone
Detective #1, walking away from meeting with chief: Man,where do you come up with some of this shit?
Detective #2: There were a couple summers in the 70s when I thought LSD was a vitamin.
Manhattan, New York
Security guard to boss: Michael Jackson loved apricots. Don't forget.
Burbank, California
Cop: Oh my god! This peanut butter pie is so good, I just want to rub it all over my ass and dance around the lobby!
Tanner Road
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: Xtina
Girl caller: Hi, I want to report a woman lying facedown in the road.
Police receptionist: What does she look like?
Rosemead, California
Security guard: I don't remember you ever not being pregnant.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Woman: I wanted to find out the status of the investigation on my stolen bike. It happened three weeks ago, and I haven’t heard back.
Cop: Well, ma’am, we’ve been busy with the orange alert.
Woman: I’m sorry — orange alert?
Cop: Ma’am, we’re in a war.
Woman: A war?!
Cop: The war with Iraq?
Woman: … You mean the fucking Iraqis stole my bike?!
Washington, DC
