Manager #1: Back in the 90s I wanted to be in a Salt ‘n Pepa video. I was in shape back then. You could bounce a quarter off my ass.
Manager #2: Was that a quarter or a quarter pounder with cheese?
4235 South Stream Boulevard
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: Sanman
Worried coworker: Don't ask me how, but I royally pissed off Steve.
Other coworker: Any idea how? Did you insult his awesome hair?
Worried coworker: I told him he should read his e-mails.
Other coworker: He'll get over it, you should complement his awesome hair.
Alexandria, Virginia
Large lesbo on cell: What’s new with me? Oh, nothing too much. Oh wait — yeah, I got a new dog! Yeah, another one. Well, my neighbor was killed in a murder-suicide with her boyfriend, so the dog had post-traumatic stress disorder. Oh, it’s a Irish Settler. It’s pretty cute… A little overweight, though. Besides that, not too much. You know me — work, work, work.
Marriot Hotel Concierge VIP room
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Miguelito Morrison
Beastly employee: That reminds me of when I was skinny. I was smoking. With my thigh-high boots.
Pretty employee: Mmmm… cool.
Beastly employee: I won’t ever wear them again. I am too fat. I will bring them in for you.
Pretty employee, unhappily: Ummmm… ok.
Passerby employee to pretty employee, sympathetically: The boots went up to her camel toe… I’m sorry.
Hawthorne, New York
Overheard by: I have my own office
Employee #1: You have a cute belly button.
Employee #2: Yeah, I know, but there's stuff in it. I am going to dig it out with a paper clip.
Employee #1: Ill.
Employee #2: Look at it!
Employee #1: Gross! Does it smell?
Lancaster, California
Judge to clerk: Hey, you got shoes on. You're first class today!
Oakdale, Louisiana
Coworker to another: I love your shirt. I have some plates that look just like it.
Orlando, Florida
Customer: You did a wonderful job on your Christmas tree!
Boss: Actually, my staff did all the work.
Staff #1: No, you set the tree up.
Boss: Yes, but you added some ornaments.
Staff #1: Only a few, but I fluffed up the branches so I guess I’m the office fluffer.
Cleveland, Ohio
Excited coworker: Cool, you have a French accent!
Office mover: I am from Iran.
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Pregnant lady (annoyed): So he said “Hey, you look nice today,” but I told him it's just the milk in my breasts.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Really? You're talking about that at work?
