Mother: Put those toys away. Think of the other kids who come here.
Little kid #1: Yeah, we’ve gotta think of the other kids.
Little kid #2: I don’t want to think of the other kids. I only want to think about me.
Doctor’s waiting room
North Rocks, Sydney
Australia
Customer: What’s this called?
Sales associate: A duvet cover.
Customer: No, no… what’s inside it?
Sales associate: A duvet.
IKEA
Costa Mesa, California
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
VP: Have fun tomorrow!
Underling: Not that much fun, 'cause I'm going to a funeral…
Bethesda, Maryland
Spot op #1: [Bill] tells good stories, he’s an excellent storyteller; me, I’m a stuttering prick when I tell a story.
Spot op #2: I tell stories, but they’re not very funny.
Spot op #1: Or interesting.
245 West 52nd Street
New York, NY
Overheard by:
IT guy #1: I found out what my wife is saving up for to surprise me for my birthday.
IT guy #2: Divorce.
Surrounding cubes: (uncontrollable laughter)
Woodlands, Texas
Boss, reading e-mail out loud: “Middle cube's a bunch of sheep-shaggers”? Minus Jane*, of course! (laughs)
Coworker: Why? She could get a strap on…
Beverly, Massachusetts
Manager: …And this paper has a timeline for the changes that will benefit you in the coming months.
Employee: So this is kindling for the smoke you’re blowing up our asses?
1005 17th Street
Denver, Colorado
Coworker #1: I just got this suit at Paul Stuart. Do you like it?
Coworker #2: Yeah, you look like the Easter Pimp.
101 East 42nd Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Amazed
Chick shoving sandwich at guy: Do you want this?
Guy: No, why? You don’t want it?
Chick: No, I’m stuffed. I just had an ass-load of salami.
Guy: So, what does that feel like?
401 6th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: brooklynhero
