Client: She said she was looking for a pen.
Attorney: And the pen was under her desk?
Client: Yes, and she’s a pack rat, and everything in the world is under her desk…
Attorney: And she got stuck that way?
Client: Yes, and we had to call security so they could drag her out by her ankles…
Attorney: I hope that was a really nice pen.
Kern County Superior Court
Bakersfield, California
Overheard by: Frazzled lawyer
Project lead: It’s like making a vegetarian eat a hamster.
Burton Drive
Santa Clara, California
Overheard by: Rob
HR woman: Oh, I love passing the buck. Passing the buck is my middle name.
Internet company
Pasadena, California
Clerk #1: Oh, no, not again!
Clerk #2: What?
Clerk #1: This register! It keeps going down on me!
Gilroy, California
Overheard by: I didn’t know they had that feature
Paralegal in training: Help me! The text that I am typing is replacing the text that is already there!
Patient coworker: Um… Hit the ‘Insert’ key.
Paralegal in training: … Where on the screen do I click that?!
San Francisco, California
Electronics employee on phone: You’re supposed to call 911 in case of emergencies, not Wal-Mart.
Wal-Mart Supercenter
Oakland, California
Overheard by: Mike
65-year-old employee: Sure, I’ll get those docs to you later today. Right now I have to run down the hall before I have an accident in my pants.
Aliso Viejo, California
Overheard by: hold it in
Employee #1: It went well. I have to pick some comp– Compet– Um…
Employee #2: Competencies?
Employee #1: Yeah! … What does that mean?
Charlotte, North Carolina
Lawyer #1: I had a bad dream last night. I woke my wife up at 4:30 to tell her I dreamt she was having sex with a gay man.
Lawyer #2: Oh, really?
Lawyer #1: Yeah, and it really upset me. And she laughed and said she knew why I had the dream. It was because of these women’s sex discussion groups she’s been going to lately. Then she says to me, ‘Well, what was I doing? Using the drumstick or what?’
Lawyer #2: What the hell? The drumstick? What was she talkin’ about?
Lawyer #1: I know — I didn’t get it either, so I asked her, ‘What are you talking about?’ and she said, ‘Well, how exactly was I having sex with a game hen?’
Lawyer #2: [Guffaws.]Lawyer #1, chuckling: Yeah… I guess she wasn’t fully awake when I told her.
560 Mission Street
San Francisco, California
Old lady peon, bursting excitedly into office: I just went to the craft store and picked up some holiday window clings for my office!
Young male peon: Wow. That’s… fantastic.
Old lady peon: I’ve got Santa Claus and reindeer and snowmen and snowflakes… I asked about Hanukkah stuff, but they didn’t have any. I’m going to do this for every holiday! This is great!
Young male peon: What about Kwanzaa?
Old lady peon: Oh, no, that’s a man-made holiday.
Sacramento, California
