Associate director: So I found myself on the floor, bleeding, and all I could think was, “Really? I just cut myself with spaghetti?”
Commonwealth Ave
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: cube rat
Associate director: So I found myself on the floor, bleeding, and all I could think was, “Really? I just cut myself with spaghetti?”
Commonwealth Ave
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: cube rat
Kind supervisor: I just wanted to ask you to lower your voice a little bit. You must have gotten some good news on the phone, but you were a little rambunctious with the language. I think you said (whispering) “shit” three times during that call.
Embarrassed secretary: You ask so little of me, and I still can't do it. I mean, who has to tell a grown woman not to yell “shit” in a crowded office?
Government Office
Tampa, Florida
IT manager: So do you want to come and find me this afternoon? We can talk about that thing.
Receptionist: Sure, I'm having it a manicure at 2.30, we can do it after that.
IT manager: Okay, but won't you have to wait for your nails to dry?
Receptionist: Oh, am I going to have to touch something?
IT manager: No, don't worry, you won't have to touch anything.
London
England
Manager: Man, I hate that rep. Only he has the power to permeate every fiber of my being with his earnest, sniveling, annoying little voice. “I’m sorry.” “Would you mind?” “Is it a problem?” Grow some balls, freak show!
105 Avenue O
Brooklyn, New York
Field Services Manager: I can’t believe he brought up all those issues in front of [the client]. He made us look even more inept than we already sounded!
85 E Street
South Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Brian Brinegar
Employee: I think I'm too aggressive.
Manager: It's like you have vomit of the mouth. I mean diarrhea of the mouth. Which I guess is like vomit of the butt.
Dallas, Texas
Project manager: I just plop on the best places I can plop on the calendars.
Chattanooga, Tennessee
Office Manager: …who knows, maybe Crystal is a very nice person.
Design Assistant: But I hate people named after rocks.
228 Gerrard Street East
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: J.B.
Whitest white girl talking to black store manager: You will see me at your store, fo' sho'… Er… for sure.
Hawthorne, New York
CEO: Guys, guys–no monkeys, we're calling the White House.
New York City, New York
