CSR: I feel bad though that I’m leaving — I really like it here.
Manager: Oh, don’t feel bad. We got our money’s worth out of you.
Supervisor: Uh.
Manager: Um, I know, that sounds bad, huh. What I mean is that we, as a company, would much rather hire smart people who leave after two years than stupid people who stay here for, like, forty.
CSR: Thanks?
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Manager: We need to be ducked-rowed here as there will be a lot of scrutiny given we’ve had the opportunity to reoutlook the schedule twice now and yet the schedule continues to slip.
229 8th Street SW
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Manager: The organization just gets bloated. There are all these Vice Presidents, and each of them has 10 or 12 locations reporting to him. And they all need resources, so he puts his team together. Sometimes you just need an enema.
901 East Whitmore Avenue
Modesto, California
Co-worker #1: We have so much more room in the office now, [Erin] and I can dance.
Boss: Let’s see you dance
Co-worker #2: Naw, she can’t do it without a pole.
50 Public Square
Cleveland, Ohio
Hospitality Director: It’s really a customer service issue. I mean, a customer could come in and their boss has gone down on them and a smile could really pick them up.
1515 Sheridan Road NE
Atlanta, Georgia
Boss on phone: If I ever do something that dumb again I want you to hit me. Hit me like a woman!
1621 18th Street
Denver, Colorado
Division Manager: I hate it when logic happens.
1930 Bishop Lane
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Doug Whitworth
Sales Manager: How am I supposed to give you the Heimlich if you have your door shut?
2176 Avenue C
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Temp: I have a few questions about the PowerPoint project that I’m trying to get my head around.
Manager: Okay.
Temp: So what do you want again?
Manager: I just want a template…Something visual that we can use over and over.
Temp: What do you want in it?
Manager: I don’t know. That’s why I want a template. So I need you to create something that looks like the department standard, with our logo and so on, the right corporate background color, with dummy copy as placeholders.
Temp: So where do I find the words you want in it?
Manager: They don’t exist yet. We’re working on that. That’s why it’s a template and not a final project.
Temp: So what do you want in all the boxes?
Manager: Nothing. Just a place so I can go in and write it. I just want a formatted background and text boxes in place.
Temp: Right, but what should I put in the text boxes?
Manager: Whatever you want.
Temp: So let me get this right: You want me to create a PowerPoint with place for different words.
Manager: Yes.
Temp: But you don’t know what the words are?
Manager: That’s why it’s a template.
Temp: I see. So I will just use one of the PowerPoint templates.
Manager: No. It needs to be in the style of the company. Those are too generic.
Temp: I’m confused.
Manager: It seems so.
Temp: Can I just do it in Word?
111 East 59th Street
New York, NY
Project manager: Thanks, [Craig].
Art director: You mean [Jose]? He’s [Craig].
Project manager: I mean [Jose]. Sorry, I got you mixed up since you’re both wearing yellow shirts.
Art director: My shirt isn’t yellow. Neither is [Craig’s].
6501 Legacy Drive
Plano, Texas
