Coworker after three-day absence: Oh my god! It’s so stressful! My three-year-old has a double ear infection and pneumonia! I haven’t slept in days!
Boss: Oh, I know! Tell me about it! My cat has colitis!
West Fayette Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Sure that’s almost the same thing…
QA Manager: Who hard-coded loss of revenue into our product?
5720 Peachtree Parkway
Norcross, Georgia
Paralegal to friendly lawyer: I’m sorry, I can’t shake your hand.
Lawyer: What’s your problem? We just saved the firm hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Paralegal: It has nothing to do with that… I’d help to bankrupt an orphanage if it came to it.
Lawyer: Then why won’t you shake my hand?
Paralegal: Sir, I was in the bathroom when you took a shit after the meeting, and you didn’t wash your hands. That’s just disgusting.
725 12th Street NW
Washington, DC
Boss: Hey, can you make a calendar that looks like this? [Hands a paper to her.]Underling: Yeah. You know this is from [the other agency], right?
Boss: Yeah, the client likes it. We have to go with that.
Underling: But their calendar is a copy of the one I did for the client. The client just handed it to them, and they made all these little changes.
Boss: Yeah, just do it like that.
Underling: But I already did it. They only took my calendar and messed with it.
Boss: Just make it look like this one!
Underling: But it’s my calendar!
Boss: Just make it look like this one! [Boss stalks off.]Underling, to entire office: Am I in a Dilbert cartoon?
3rd Avenue
New York, New York
Old, constantly inappropriate boss: I’m gonna bust your ass, girl.
Young girl employee: You’ll do no such thing.
Old, constantly inappropriate boss: Oh, yeah? Why’s that?
Young girl employee: Because I’d karate chop you in the jugular.
14th Street and 3rd Avenue
Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Still can’t believe I work here
Boss: Never put two cranky diabetics in the same room together. All you’ll get is ‘”fuck this,” “shit this,” and “blood sugar that!”
1200 Sovereign Row
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: shaun
Male manager: You weren't in another accident, were you?
Female cube dweller: No. I pooped.
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Cube Dweller
Assistant: Are you leaving early?
Attorney: Yep.
Assistant: Why? It’s only 3:30.
Attorney: ‘Cause I like to drink.
1900 Pearl Street
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Staja
Clerk #1: Bob and Mark left on a service call.
Manager: Did you tell Mark to dump Bob off on the side of the road, like a puppy no one wants, instead of bringing him back?
Clerk #2: Hey! We're not that mean here. We like puppies.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Head of department: Can someone give an example of a person in the department going above and beyond the call of duty?
Woman: [Jane]. She does so much, not just for our group, but for other groups as well. I don’t think there’s anyone in the department [Jane] hasn’t serviced.
1200 12th Avenue South
Seattle, Washington
