Employee #1: Where is my pen? Someone stole it…
Employee #2: What?
Employee #1: My pen is gone.
Employee #2: Check your ass.
Employee #1: There it is, in my hair.
Employee #2: Like I said…
909 Fannin Street
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Helecia Helton
Messenger: I hope that you and your tits have a nice weekend.
1430 Broadway
New York, NY
Worker #1: We’re out of toilet paper.
Worker #2: The supply closet is empty.
Worker #1: I think they’re stuffing their vaginal canals with it to smuggle some home.
215 South Country Road
Bellport, New York
VP: You’ll need to sit between [Jake] and I at the next meeting so I don’t kick his ass.
Peon: I’ll hold him if you’ll hit him.
1500 Hampton Street
Columbia, South Carolina
Plant Manager: Thanks. That really takes a load off my ass. I’ve had a headache all day.
2nd Avenue S
Birmingham, Alabama
Help desk manager: Hey, do you have that power supply for a Mac mini?
Microsoft exchange admin: What's a mini?
Hardware tech: You should ask your wife.
Help desk phone tech: Heyo!
Los Angeles, California
Registered nurse: Damn, all my patients have peed! And they're all dialysis patients!
Tech: Damn their kidneys for working!
Hospital
Bowling Green, Kentucky
Boss to HR: You do that again and I'll stick my finger in your chicken.
Irvine, California
Overheard by: TravisPeriod
Employee #1: This old fart is so devious and evil that if you lock him up alone in the room he would curse his own self.
Employee #2: Shit, if he was the only person left on this earth he would start building conspiracies with his own balls, trying to antagonize his lefty against the righty.
Winchester, Virginia
Female coworker: My box is just exploding right now!
Bellevue, Washington
