Coworker #1: We had our monthly departmental breakfast this morning, and Lauren* just wouldn't stop going on about how she never eats sausage. But she sure looks like she eats a lot of sausage.
Coworker #2: Come on, man–we all know that Lauren has never even seen a sausage in her life!
Bellevue, Washington
20-something office girl: Remember, that e-mail said that you're supposed to swab your nose or use a neti pot, and gargle with salt water or Listerine to prevent the swine flu.
30-something office dude: Is that what you do?
20-something office girl: I swab my nose and flush my nostrils, and I swish Listerine. But I don't gargle.
30-something office dude: Why not?
20-something office girl: I can't do it. I've never been able to. I just don't know how to gargle, and believe me, I've tried it. As soon as something hits the back of my throat, my instinct is to swallow.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
CSR: That reminds me of when my boyfriend sat on my face.
Scarborough
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Cnote
Telephone receptionist, over intercom system: I need Dick on line three, Dick on line three!
Bank
Kentucky
Overheard by: will1966
Semi technologically-challenged nurse practitioner: Everything is going to my draft box.
Aventura, Florida
Overheard by: Lizzo
Receptionist to coworker: My whiney-ass husband was complaining that he slit his hand open.
Portsmouth, New Hampshire
Butcher holding up pork: These are the finest butts I've ever seen. In fact, I just boned them myself!
Grand Blanc, Michigan
Young female associate: So the homeless guy kept coming at me and I got scared, so I kicked him in the balls.
Law Firm
Wilmington, Delaware
Ad guy, discussing viability of a “dildo flask”: That way you have a business end and a party end.
Ad gal: Both ends are the party end on a hoo-ha flask!
Rio Salado Parkway
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Jeff
Coworker: I mean, don't you ever feel like killing someone and wearing their head like a hat?
Las Vegas, Nevada
