Young female coworker: Don't take me seriously. I mean, seriously!
Austin, Texas
Young female coworker: Don't take me seriously. I mean, seriously!
Austin, Texas
Owner: 28 cents isn’t a lot, but after 100 times spending it, that’s $28. Listen man, $28 is a bottle of champagne! Instead of throwing it in the trash can, I can drink it, man! $28 on top of $28…That starts to add up to a few bottles of champage and pretty girls and a nice dinner!
8860 NW 24th Terrace
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Amanda
Session Leader: I’ll leave this badge on the desk. If you need to use the facilities, just take it with you and swipe the reader on the bathroom door.
Participant #1: You need to swipe from the bottom up, right?
Participant #2: Not if you’re a girl!
One Chase Plaza
New York, NY
Warehouse Manager: Be sure to take all the plywood runners, and all the woodchucks you can find.
Driver: “Woodchucks”?
Warehouse Manager: Yeah, put them under the wheels to help with traction.
41049 Boyce Road
Fremont, California
Guy on phone: Slim-Fast doesn’t work if you eat half a cake every night.
Stratford, Connecticut
Homeless guy #1: Damn! I just got kicked out of the library! Damn!
Homeless guy #2: What did you do, man?
Homeless guy #1: I don’t know. I don’t know.
Homeless guy #2: Aren’t you drunk?
Homeless guy #1: Well, yeah. Also, I might have been looking at dirty pictures on the computer.
Homeless guy #2: Aw, that’s not so bad.
Homeless guy #1: And they said that I was being disrespectful to the librarians.
Homeless guy #2, freaking out: No way, man! You can never, never disrespect the librarians! Always respect librarians! What were you thinking? Are you an idiot?
Outside Boulder Public Library
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: Librarian on break
Co-worker #1: I’m going to go wander the halls. I’m gonna take this reading material.
Co-worker #2: Oh, those halls. Well, deck the halls.
901 Mission Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Julia Goolia
Bookseller: I cleaned up all the damn puppets. All of them! Then, watched as a father allowed his children to throw all of them on the floor, play for an hour, then leave them. He grinned at me, said ‘Kids, right?’, then left. It took all I had not to tear that grin off his face, and shove it so far up his fucking ass that I could then reattach it backwards…Wow, four hours really is too long to go without a cigarette!
Cashier: That was the best image I’ve had all day. Go smoke so that I can savor it alone.
430 W Vine Street
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: Laughing coworker
Waitress: Can I help you, ma’am?
Middle-aged woman: You shouldn’t call women ‘ma’am.’
Waitress: Oh… Why not?
Middle-aged woman: Because ‘ma’am’ is short for ‘madame,’ which is a name for a woman who owns a brothel. Do you know what a brothel is?
Waitress: Ah, yes.
Middle-aged: Good. Besides, for young women you should call them ‘miss.’
Waitress: Okay, can I help you, miss?
Middle-aged woman: Don’t call me ‘miss.’
Candlewood Chinese
Western Australia
