Doctor: Did you put the drugs in the drug room?
Nurse: No! I can’t find where they are supposed to go. Every time I try and find the drugs in that room I want to kill somebody!
Doctor: Please don’t. We shouldn’t be killing any more patients anyway.
250 West Bridge Street
Dublin, Ohio
Guy #1: So, my daughter tells me she wants to get her tongue pierced, and I told her there was no way in hell I would let her fuck up her teeth after all of the money we spent with those braces straightening up her teeth. And after I said that she actually understood where I was coming from.
Guy #2: Yeah?
Guy #1: Yeah. Now she wants to get her nipples pierced.
Government office
Alexandria, Virginia
Overheard by: b-chomp
Innocent Mormon: Hey, does anyone want to lick this?
Rest of coworkers, giggling: Ummmm… No.
Innocent Mormon: I want someone else to lick it, I hate licking it myself.
Helpful coworker: Just go get your finger wet and rub it on there.
South Salt Lake City, Utah
Woman #2, in elevator: Be careful. Don't kill yourself.
Woman #1, stumbling on platform shoes: These shoes are no good.
Woman #2, examining them: You have socks on.
Woman #1: Yes. My feet get cold.
Woman #2, hesitant: But… you have sandals on.
Woman #1: I know. I'm wearing sandals with socks, and you've busted me before I've even gotten off the elevator.
Burbank, California
Overheard by: Urz
Teen employee: I’m so worried about getting into college. Although, I really don’t know what I want to do with my life.
Middle-aged boss: You’d make a great stripper.
Teen employee: You know, I’ve considered it.
Bookstore
New York, New York
Overheard by: I guess I won’t apply for a job after all
Waiter, at new copy machine: Which way does this go in: face down or up, sideways or lengthways?…You’re not going to tell me, are you?
Manager: We’ve got plenty of paper over there; keep trying until you get it right.
45 South Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Loud old woman #1: Did you hear about that huge fight that took place over the weekend where that teenager got killed?
Loud old woman #2: That’s why people should beat their children! Then this wouldn’t happen!
3430 Courthouse Drive
Ellicott City, Maryland
[sick worker comes to work]Boss: Shouldn’t you be at home eating Ginger Ale and Saltines?
Sick worker: Yeah, probably.
Boss: Everything’s better with Ginger Ale and Saltines.
Seagram’s Building
New York City, New York
Normal female #1: He didn't get out this morning?
Normal female #2: No., he was held over til next Wednesday.
Normal female #1: I don't think you should take the girls back to orange camp to see him this time… That's how hookers remember their childhood.
Tampa, Florida
