Words

Employee: Can I help you?
Customer: Hi. Yes, may I have a turkey artichoke panini?
Employee: No.
Customer: No?
Employee: No. We don’t have those.
Customer: But it’s right there on your board. Do you mean you ran out of them today?
Employee: Yeah, that’s what I said. Order the other turkey sandwich, it’s exactly the same.
Customer: Actually I think I’ll just have a salad.
Employee: I’ll be right back. [Goes in back room.]Employee: Did you hear what I just said back there?
Customer: Ummm… No.
Employee: Good. I mean, cause it wasn’t about you.
Customer: Ok…

Panera Bread Co.
Tysons Corner, Virginia

Boss to underling: What does “lol” mean?
Underling: “Laughing out loud.”
Boss: Oh, good, I thought it was “lots of love.”

Breakwater
Australia

Older partner to receptionist: See you later, we're going to meet this banker.
Middle-aged partner, to older partner as they walk out the door: What? Oh, “banker.” I thought you said “the spanker.”

New York City, New York

Overheard by: Jen

CEO: It’s like the dog and the tail. The tail is the reward and happiness. The dog is how you get there, the hard work.

460 Phillip Street
Waterloo, Ontario
Canadia

Very pregnant blonde, about husband's golf game: You'll never guess what Richard shot.
Obnoxious boss: His load, obviously!

San Antonio, Texas

Girl #1: And then it said “list any nicknames,” and that's where I stopped. I mean, I only have the one. You know, the one that begins with “h.”
Girl #2: (mumbles)
Girl #1: Well, yeah, a silent “w.”

Elevator
Toronto
Canadia

Suit #1: The RFA for the 'o'9-'o'10 year are…
Suit #2: “O'9-'o'10?” You mean “'o'9-10.”
Suit #1: There is another zero in 2010.
Boss: Yeah, 'o'9-10'o'!
Suit #1 & #2: “10'o”?!
Boss: What? Isn't that right?
Suit #2: No, he meant double 'o'9 and 'o'10.
Suit #1: I hate my life.

Lincoln, Nebraska

Overheard by:

Coworker #1: He’s not gay, he’s a pedophile.
Coworker #2: There’s a difference?

Hickson Road
Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: H.

Employee #1, on phone: Good morning, sir, my name is Brad*, and I’m from an execution service agency.
Employee #2: Dude. It’s executive search agency!

Den Bosch
the Netherlands

Overheard by: Meme

Law clerk #1: Yeah, we got our class ranks last week.
Law clerk #2: Ugh! My school is taking forever. I should write them a letter. I'm so mad. I just want them to know how incontinent they are.

Chicago, Illinois