Loud American coworker in next cubicle: Are you a mammal?
University Research Centre
Sydney
Australia
Manager #1, during performance review: We would have fired you, but we missed the deadline to submit the paperwork.
Manager #2: So by default you are now an employee.
HR rep, under breath: We are so getting sued.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: unleaded
Male office worker #1, referring to college basketball brackets: Well, we're also giving $10 back to the person with the worst bracket.
Male office worker #2: That's bullshit! I should get something.
Female office worker: Wait, I deserve my money because I suck better than the rest of you!
Congressional Office
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Intern trying not to make a comment
Male staffer: There may be a problem.
Female manager: With what?
Male staffer: I was just typing an e-mail about a birth certificate. Twice I typed “bitch” instead of “birth”.
Female manager: Oooh!
Male staffer: I corrected it before I sent it, though.
Female manager: Thank goodness. (pause) Gotta say, though, that I would love to have a bitch certificate. I mean, I do just fine without one, but it would be nice to have the formal recognition.
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Michael
Coworker #1: I wasn't that drunk by that point. I mean, I was sober enough to realize that they were branding each other's asses with Christmas cookie cutters.
Boss: Sure…
Coworker #1: No, legit. Sticking the cookie cutters in the fire and branding each other's asses.
Coworker #2: Can you imagine shacking up with someone with an inverted Christmas pointing right to your pooper?
Hicksville, New York
Overheard by: Traumatized
Coworker #1: I feel so bad for them.
Coworker #2: I know, their son is in a coma and only has 30% of his brain working. He's a vegetarian.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Can't believe no one else heard that
Vietnamese coworker using cardboard to fix cubicle, happily: It's like being in refugee camp all over again.
Austin, Texas
Suit on cell: I went across the street to the Chinese/Thai food place for lunch, and not everything afterwards went according to plan. I've spent enough time in the bathroom this afternoon to finish reading a book. I know you weren't necessarily dying for that information, but that's the reason this took me a while to finish. I will still be billing two hours to this, though, even though it took a bit longer.
Manhattan, New York
Client services department on Monday morning: Now that carny was hot!
Bloomfield, Connecticut
