Employee #1: How do you tell the man you're going to marry that they are letting themselves go, and you're not sexually attracted to them anymore?
Employee #2: Leave them for a woman…
Employee #1: What!? I'm not a muff diver!
Employee #2: We can teach you.
Pullman, Washington
Secretary #1: I am so cold I can't type.
Secretary #2: Wear your gloves.
Secretary #1: I can do a lot of things in leather, but typing isn't one of them.
Seattle, Washington
VP: Do you know I used the words “wiki” and “blog” in a speech yesterday? My kids would be so proud!
Renton, Washington
Peon #1: There's sperm on the President's head!
Peon #2: I'm really glad that I know you're talking about your Obama Chia Pet.
Fremont, Washington
Overheard by: I guess he's a grower, not a shower.
Receptionist: I found out that I can't go to Disney World because I have a paper due that week and I don't want to miss 100 points.
Boss (who is rather overweight and old): That is really too bad but I mean, I'll go in your place.
Receptionist: Only if you get Mickey Mouse ears and go to the castle and have dinner with the princesses.
Boss: Sure. I'll be the best fucking princess those bitches have ever seen!
Bellingham, Washington
White dude to black coworker: The cool thing about Obama is that he is able to transcend race. He’s the ultimate embodiment of American multiculturalism and pluralism. He’s white and black, and his race doesn’t matter, he’s got character, which was Martin Luther King’s dream, that people would be judged according to the content of their character, not the color of their skin.
White dude #2: Yeah, well, I just can’t wait until Obama gets into office and he invites MTV over to the White House to film an episode of Cribs and he’s got a stripper pole in the basement right by his poster of Scarface.
130th Street
Tacoma, Washington
Overheard by: Stan Green
Engineer #1: A charred, dark husk of evil smoldering into infinity would be cool.
Engineer #2: I’d prefer the Dyson Sphere. Though I personally find Niven ringworlds much more aesthetically pleasing.
Engineer #1: But a husk!
Engineer #2: A Dyson sphere could be kind of a husk.
Engineer #1: Come on! Spooky husk!
Engineer #2: No! No spooky husk!
Engineer #1: Aww.
Engineer #2: …We can make the Dyson Sphere kind of spooky if you insist.
401 Elliott Avenue W
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Bjorn Townsend
Co-worker: Can you e-mail a hard copy of that file to me?
1420 5th Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Call center rep to another: You know, some people who don't speak English very well are like, so ignorant!
Seattle, Washington
Engineer to lunchroom: So do you guys know if we’re officially called ‘United States of America’ or is it just ‘United States’?
413 Pine St
Seattle, Washington
