Boss: You know that project we just finished?
Lackey: Yes.
Boss: We need a project plan that details what we did, how we did it, and how long it took.
Lackey: Um, I don’t know that.
Boss: Me neither, but the client will be here in an hour and they want to see a plan.
10000 Linn Station Road
Louisville, Kentucky
Records tech: I used to have more vacation time before I worked [in this department]! But I guess since I started taking vacations…
Manning Drive
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Overheard by: seftiri
Coworker: I’m leaving early, y’all. I ripped my pants, and I can’t work with my vagina hanging out.
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Up against her for a promotion
Female employee #1: …so if the sun exploded seven minutes ago, we wouldn’t know it yet, because it takes eight minutes for the sun’s light to reach us.
Male employee: That’s depressing! What would you do in those seven minutes?
Female employee #1: If I were at work? Have sex.
Male employee: Isn’t that’s a lot of pressure on the guy?
Female employee #1: Please. Guys are usually all, “Gimme two minutes!”
Female employee #2: You could do three guys in that time!
Female employee #1: Three and a half!
Boulevard Sacré Coeur
Gatineau, Quebec
Overheard by: Sara
Overpaid receptionist: I am so freakin’ tired. I’ve been actually having sex since four o’clock Saturday ’til six o’clock this morning.
Coworker: Ummm, that’s nice.
Overpaid receptionist: I’m so sore. I am walking like Sally*. It looks like she was fucked all weekend, but all she did was pull weeds.
North O’Connor Boulevard
Las Colinas, Texas
Overheard by: So that’s what ‘being rode hard and put away wet’ looks like
Manager: We need to be less stupider on how we do…things…We need to work on our synergy, ensure we’re interlocking with our process improvements…You need to have a sense of urgency, a relaxed urgency where you don’t hurry anyone else but you.
1 Dell Way
Round Rock, Texas
Overheard by: Anonymous Tech
Suit on cell: I went across the street to the Chinese/Thai food place for lunch, and not everything afterwards went according to plan. I've spent enough time in the bathroom this afternoon to finish reading a book. I know you weren't necessarily dying for that information, but that's the reason this took me a while to finish. I will still be billing two hours to this, though, even though it took a bit longer.
Manhattan, New York
IT server guy on cell: Yeah, it'll get really huge, and it'll stay like that for awhile…
Santa Clara, California
Overheard by: braingauis
Customer: Why did my policy cancel?
Secretary: For non-payment, sir.
Customer: But I never got a bill.
Secretary: You mean, the one you handed me when you walked in with a due date of January 30th*?
Customer: Yes, that bill.
Secretary: It wouldn’t have canceled if you had paid this bill, sir.
Customer: Well, I’m not going to renew that policy, then…
Secretary: There is nothing to renew, sir — it canceled for non-payment!
977 Yadkinville Road
Mocksville, North Carolina
Overheard by: Karen
Coworker on phone to business contact: So, are you talking about fecal year 2008 or 2009?
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: analyst
