Texas

'Cause Home Is Where the Pancreas Is

Drug rep: All the regulations in this industry just keep getting more strict all the time. I set up a meeting the other day with one of our medical reps and a doctor I know and I couldn't say a word the entire time except to introduce them. I was like a mouse on the floor.
Admin (laughing hysterically): Do you mean “a fly on the wall”?
Drug rep (embarrassed): Give me a break. It's Friday morning and I'm wearing a suit for a meeting that was canceled and nobody told me. I'm going home!

Arlington, Texas

Overheard by: Genyis

For Those Who Are Always Getting Sucker-Taught

Coworker #1: You know how there are teachable moments?
Coworker #2: Yeah.
Coworker #1: Well, there should also be punchable moments.

Austin, Texas

Memo to All Staff: There Will Be a Meeting to Discuss What Can be Done to Curtail the Number of Meetings

Office grunt #1: I hate all these fucking meetings!
Office grunt #2: Didn’t you set this meeting up?
Office grunt #1: Yeah, but that’s not the point.

Oil company office
Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Lara

…Who Buys a Zoot Suit?

Coworker #1: Mothball or malt ball sized hail?
Coworker #2: I think that only matters if you are a windshield.
Coworker #1: They can all die. They ate holes in my 800-dollar zoot suit.
Coworker #2: Aw, man!

Austin, Texas

Remarkably Unhelpful– I Salute You!

Employee: What happens when things are damaged in transit?
VP of operations: Then it probably won't work when you get it.

Austin, Texas

He Keeps That Totally on the DL

Coworker #1: I was berated by Susan* yesterday because I asked for my light fixture to be fixed… again… after 13 days. She got angry because she ‘has more important things to worry about.’ Apparently, her husband’s in the ICU.
Coworker #2: Dude, she’s going to have to unplug him.
Coworker #1: I understand that, but I resent the accusation that somehow my asking for my light to be fixed betrays an insensitivity to the plight of her almost-dead husband.

Austin, Texas

If Grammar Worked Like The Price Is Right

School district superintendent: I underget what you're saying…

Central Texas

11AM Compile Mailers

Employee #1: You’re making a mess with the mail. Envelopes are all over the place. They’re calling me to come clean them up.
Employee #2: They’re calling you? What are they saying?
Employee #1: “Come clean me up. I’m strewn about the table.”
Employee #2: …Because evelopes have such a good vocabulary.
Employee #1: Of course they do. That’s why they don’t stay sealed. They’ve got a lot to say.

12100 I-40 East
Amarillo, Texas

I Was Forced to File for Chapter 69

Old drone: I started my own business. You know what I started on? Unemployment and my girlfriend.

Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Nator

NewsFlash: Rise in Drive-by Insultings in the Workplace

Coworker: Wow! Those are some shiny shoes! You know, it’s a good thing to have shiny shoes because people are more likely to be enthralled by your feet and less likely to notice your incompetence.

Elevator, Office building
Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: checking own feet

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