Technology

Caller: I just arrived at my lake house for the summer, and the satellite TV isn’t working! Why is it off?!
CSR: Sir, please stay calm. It’s simple: we just need to reset your receiver since you’ve been away for a while.
Caller: How long will that take?
CSR: It’s easy, sir. Do you have a potato handy?
Caller: Um, let me see… [Pause] Yes, we just picked some up at the store on our way in — stocking up.
CSR: Great, sir. An apple would also work. Now, what I need you to do is to cut that potato in half. Then I need you place one half of the potato face-down on top of your receiver. Please make sure it’s dry.
Caller: What?
CSR: Trust me, sir, I’m a professional. We’ll have your service back on in no time.
Caller: Okay… [Long pause] Alright, done. Now what?
CSR: Great, sir. The potato will act upon your receiver’s magnetic field and will bring the service back online momentarily. It’s a built-in security feature so that no one can use your dish while you’re away for most of the year.

CSR presses service reset button, remote satellite transmits ‘wake up’ signal to inactive receiver, TV comes on.

Caller: That’s amazing! Who’d have thought… a potato! Will this work every time?
CSR: Just give us a call if you have any problems in the future, and thank you for using this service.

Bradford Drive
Huntsville, Alabama

Panicky mouse user: I have to clean my ball with Isowipes once a week, because it’s absolutely filthy!

54 Park Street
Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: Al

Copier Technician: Sir, your software isn’t compatible with this machine. It’s outdated.
Offie Manager: Well, the sales guy promised it would work.
Copier Technician: Did you try it out before you bought it?
Office Manager: No, I trusted the sales guy that it would do what he said it would do.
Copier Technician: Well, this isn’t the first time you’ve dealt with a sales person, is it? When I make a significant purchase, I try it before I sign the contract.
Office Manager: How you ever going to get married, son?
Copier Technician: Sorry?
Office Manager: I said how you ever going to get married?
Copier Technician: I am married, sir.
Office Manager: Well, did you try out your wife before you got married?
Copier Technician: What?

310 Dorla Court
Zephyr Cove, Nevada

Peon: Hey, I can't look at our webpage without the browser crashing.
IT manager: Which browser?
Peon: Ff 4.
IT manager: What?
Peon: Firefox 4.
IT manager: What's a Firefox?
Peon: Uh, let's pretend I said IE.

South Morang
Australia

Boss: Why do you have a new BlackBerry?
Salesperson: Because I am awesome.
Boss: You don't even know how to use it, do you?
Salesperson: Uh… No.

Augusta, Georgia

Boss: Hey, Joan*.
Admin: Hey, Darren*.
Boss: How's the new pooter?

Brooklyn Center, Minnesota

Manager: How is your monitor? It's not very old, right?
Cubicle chick: It works, yeah.
Manager: I'm going to get everyone flat screens eventually, but I'm going to do it two or three at a time.
Cubicle chick: Awesome!
Manager: But yours looks pretty good for now.
Cubicle chick: I can break it if you want me to.
Manager: I'd rather…. you didn't.
Cubicle chick: Gotcha.

England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Programmer to manager: It's not wrong. It may not be in the format they were expecting, but it's not wrong.

Halifax
Nova Scotia
Canadia

Engineer: Ah, crap.
Secretary: Whatsamatta?
Engineer: Printer’s giving me an error message.
Secretary: And what does it say?
Engineer: Tray two is empty..
Secretary: Well, then fill it. Reams are right next to it.
Engineer: Yeah, uh, well, which tray is tray two?
Secretary: Gee, I don’t know; maybe the one labeled “two”?
Engineer: Oh, that’s what those numbers mean?

One Penn Plaza
New York, NY

Engineer: I have this weird beeping signal on my phone. Do I need to dial a 1 when calling this number?

Tech support guy takes the phone and hits redial.

Tech support guy: No. That is a busy signal.

5032 South Ash Avenue
Tempe, Arizona