Girl recording office voicemail: If you know the person you are wishing to enter… Shit, that’s not right.
Jubilee Road
Muncy, Pennsylvania
Girl recording office voicemail: If you know the person you are wishing to enter… Shit, that’s not right.
Jubilee Road
Muncy, Pennsylvania
Tech guy: Yeah, Betty* left a Post-it at my desk because her computer was broken — it wouldn’t turn on, but then when I got there it seemed to be fine.
HR rep: Oh, she actually came to me about it so I just left the Post-it for her just in case, but I’m pretty sure the reason it wouldn’t turn on was because she was pressing the big round Dell symbol instead of the start button.
5700 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: I can turn on my computer
Clerk: Are you worried?
Rehab counselor using laptop: No. Why?
Clerk: People always look worried while they are trying to memorize the Internet.
4555 Central Avenue
Columbus, Indiana
Information technology director to management team: You know me – I’m not real technological.
125 S Congress Street
Jackson, Mississippi
Announcer on PA system: Dr. Stewart*, please call 5-5-2-0; Dr. Stewart, 5-5-2-0.
Dr. Stewart, over the PA system a few minutes later: Whomever needed Dr. Stewart, I don’t know who you are and I didn’t hear that number, so call me at– [pause]. Oh, shit, I don’t know what number this is. Wait… Okay, so just page me again with that number… [Pause] You mean everyone can hear me? Fuck.
Arizona
Overheard by: Seriously glad I’m not his patient
Manager on phone to computer terminal manufacturer: That terminal still isn’t working properly, and if you don’t fix it soon the customer is going to tell me to shove it up my ass… And I’m not prepared to do that at this time.
1462 Erie Boulevard
Schenectady, New York
Overheard by: It wouldn’t fit mine
Manager: Where’s Patti*?
Worker: Her husband is having that cadillac surgery. She won’t be in until later.
Manager: Cadillac surgery?
Worker: You know — when they take the globs off of your eyes so you can see?
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: admin in charge
Executive forwarding an email to whole company: I don’t know if any of you have seen this summary. You may find it a useful ‘Idiot’s Guide.’
Employee: Are you implying everyone you just sent this to is an idiot?
Executive: Not in the slightest! I was implying the guy who sent it to me thought I was an idiot.
1251 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York
Employee: I can take you right to the landscaping section. Let’s take the elevator here.
Customer: Boy, you really like to pamper these fat-assed people, huh. You know Texas is one of the fattest states in the nation? Don’t you have stairs?
Employee: We have an escalator.
1217 W State Highway 114
Grapevine, Texas
Receptionist: She’s not here, would you like to leave her a note?
Client: I’ll just send her an email, does she have a blueberry?
Stanford, CA
