Computer Technician: Wow, it’s amazing what kind of difference a couple of inches can make…Have you seen [Ben]’s?
The other technicians burst out laughing.
Computer Technican: I meant his new 19″ monitor. Grow up.
1035 64th Avenue SE
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Colleague on phone: We’ll just have to go down there and gang bang those sites.
Silence.
3699 West Lathrop Street
South Bend, Indiana
Assistant: I spent 8 hours of overtime this weekend retyping the spreadsheet for the tax assessor.
Co-worker: They didn’t like the arrangement of the spreadsheet so you had to redo it? What do you mean “redo”, did you retype everything?
Assistant: Yes, most of it, some I cut and pasted/
Co-worker: Do you know how to use Data Sort?
Assistant: Excel can’t do a numerical sort, only alphabetical, and they didn’t want that, so I retyped everything.
10 2nd Street NE
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: sweetwhitelady
Guy: Why the hell is my computer running so slow?…Ah! here it is: “System Idle Process” is taking up 98% of my CPU…fucking Microsoft…
1701 North Street
Endicott, New York
Co-worker #1: How do I make this print faster?
Co-worker #2: Put water on it.
10960 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Selaf Nek
Worker: First, go to the website. [says URL]Customer: Do I need to go online first?
Maryland
Chick: I never understood the design of that thing, but I've had it in my mouth a thousand times.
Dude: Yeah, me too.
Dental Office
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: I've never had it in mouth
Male grunt: If my mouse stops working, I’m going to go home.
Female grunt: Well, did you try jiggling it?
Male grunt: Yeah, I jiggled the shit out of it. [Female grunt giggles.]
Foggy Bottom
Washington, DC
Female employee, pointing at computer screen: I say we take this guy to court!
Male employee: There's nobody there, Megan*.
Newton, Massachusetts
Business analyst on phone: Hey, what do you need? The name of the user guide? It's the digital one… No, the digital guide. You know, like Digital Underground, only without Tupac… No, biggie wasn't in Digital Underground… Humpty Hump was… No, the guy with the gold nose… Okay, it's “h”… “u”… “m”…
Chantilly, Virginia
Overheard by: CubeRat
