Technology

IT #1: Okay, I’ll set up one of my extra workstations and get a wireless card for it.
IT #2: Can you get a card easily?
IT #1: Oh sure, they’re only about 50 bucks. I can get petty cash.
Manager: So we have to go through you. Why can’t [Claude] get it?
IT #2: Because I have to go through too many layers of management and red tape.
Manager: For an old computer and a $50 card?
IT #1: Yeah, this place is like a prison. It’s all about who can trade cigarettes for a sharp shiv.
Manager: Or who’s around when you drop the soap…

525 Rudder Road
Fenton, Missouri

Engineer: Man, I can’t write code today. Someone must have stole my
talent.
Manager: That would be petty theft.

8000 West Sunrise Boulevard
Plantation, Florida

Engineer: It’s probably a computer that likes to see abstract choices.

Translated from the Dutch.

10 Wissenstraat
9200 Dendermonde
Belgium

Overheard by: Bart Verhofstadt

Developer #1: It’s obvious the code will work. You’ve coded, you can see it will work. You can see it will work, unless you’re stupid.
Developer #2: You’re not stupid, are you?

501 Marquette Avenue
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: fmm

Boss: We will be taken off the internet. It is slowing down productivity.

5 minutes pass.

Worker #1: …What will I do all day?
Worker #2: Work.
Worker #1: Ha, ha! Whatever.

3275 Steinway Street
Astoria, New York

Worker #1: So how is the database server test going?
Junior Manager: Great! That new machine is going like gang bangers!
Worker #2: He, he…”gang bangers”.
Junior Manager: Damn! You know what I meant.
Worker #1: Well…I guess they do work pretty hard.

13571 Commerce Parkway
Richmond, British Columbia
Canadia

Overheard by: Richard Shoehorn

Vice Principal: Hey there, did you get my email?
Teacher: No, I didn’t…
Vice Principal: Wow, and I sent it to both [Ed Hildick]s so you’d be sure to get it.
Teacher: Yeah…but my name is [Jeff].

901 Locust Street
Herndon, Virginia

Computer Technician: Wow, it’s amazing what kind of difference a couple of inches can make…Have you seen [Ben]’s?

The other technicians burst out laughing.

Computer Technican: I meant his new 19″ monitor. Grow up.

1035 64th Avenue SE
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia

Colleague on phone: We’ll just have to go down there and gang bang those sites.

Silence.

3699 West Lathrop Street
South Bend, Indiana

Assistant: I spent 8 hours of overtime this weekend retyping the spreadsheet for the tax assessor.
Co-worker: They didn’t like the arrangement of the spreadsheet so you had to redo it? What do you mean “redo”, did you retype everything?
Assistant: Yes, most of it, some I cut and pasted/
Co-worker: Do you know how to use Data Sort?
Assistant: Excel can’t do a numerical sort, only alphabetical, and they didn’t want that, so I retyped everything.

10 2nd Street NE
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: sweetwhitelady