Technology

Guy: Why the hell is my computer running so slow?…Ah! here it is: “System Idle Process” is taking up 98% of my CPU…fucking Microsoft…

1701 North Street
Endicott, New York

Co-worker #1: How do I make this print faster?
Co-worker #2: Put water on it.

10960 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Selaf Nek

Worker: First, go to the website. [says URL]Customer: Do I need to go online first?

Maryland

Chick: I never understood the design of that thing, but I've had it in my mouth a thousand times.
Dude: Yeah, me too.

Dental Office
Long Island, New York

Overheard by: I've never had it in mouth

Male grunt: If my mouse stops working, I’m going to go home.
Female grunt: Well, did you try jiggling it?
Male grunt: Yeah, I jiggled the shit out of it. [Female grunt giggles.]

Foggy Bottom
Washington, DC

Female employee, pointing at computer screen: I say we take this guy to court!
Male employee: There's nobody there, Megan*.

Newton, Massachusetts

Your Editors Were Shock-G-ed to See How Long Ago That Was

Business analyst on phone: Hey, what do you need? The name of the user guide? It's the digital one… No, the digital guide. You know, like Digital Underground, only without Tupac… No, biggie wasn't in Digital Underground… Humpty Hump was… No, the guy with the gold nose… Okay, it's “h”… “u”… “m”…

Chantilly, Virginia

Overheard by: CubeRat

Worker #1: Hey, what's generally better, Intel or Athlon?
Worker #2: Of course, Athlon.
Worker #3: What?! No! That's the dark side!

Irvine, California

Overheard by: Jon

IT chick: Okay, okay, slow down… Your mouse isn’t working? [Pause] Ma’am… Ma’am, pick it up off the floor.

Internet domain registrar company
Scottsdale, Arizona

Project manager, regarding principal of firm: He has been driving around with his windshield wipers on because he can't figure out how to turn them off, do you really think he will understand this?

98th & Broadway
New York City, New York