Voicemail: Hello, this is Joe* from engineering, I’m having a problem with my computer, and was told you could help me out. It appears that there is a problem with my fixed dick…er, ficked disk, fisk dick.
[pause]
FIXED DISK…..
4747 Harrison Avenue
Rockford, Illinois
Project manager: Well, the design document is undergoing revisement.
Tech lead: Excuse me, undergoing what?
Project manager: …it’s being revised right now.
Tech lead: Don’t you mean revision?
Project manager: No. That would be like saying that listening to someone’s advice is taking their words under advision.
One Charles Park
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Senior programmer to slightly-less senior programmer: The thing is: every time we don't pay attention to you, you're right.
Berkeley, California
Caller, after lengthy pause: Sorry, I’m just unplugging the computer.
Tech support: That’s ok. I just pretend I’m getting one of those heavy breathing calls.
Memphis, Tennessee
Central office tech: I'm not really sure how it works. I don't play with it very often.
Phone Company
Moorhead, Minnesota
Overheard by: Lord Baddkitty
Technician: Hi, can I get under your desk for a second to look at your box?
1440 Broadway
New York, NY
Male computer tech to male computer user: Hey, if you let me get between you legs I can fix that issue.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Manager: Why does it smell like salami in here?
Tech: I ran out of milk, so I had to have salami for breakfast.
Manager: Uhh…what?
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: fleeing from the salami stench
CEO: So, how long will it take you to set that up?
System admin: Um…two minutes?
CEO: Five. You've got five. See, I doubled-and-a-halved it for you!
System admin, developer, designer: What?
State & Water
Peoria, Illinois
Overheard by: only girl in an office of men…
Receptionist, on his last day: How can I give the rest of the staff access to these files?
Tech guy: Put them on the network.
Receptionist: Where’s the network?
Tech guy: Exactly! It’s everywhere, man!
University of Minnesota, Minneapolis
Overheard by: I’m New Here
