Tech People

Boss to web developer: Didn't we do that site for… For… Ugh… You know… Dick bag motherfucker…
Web developer: Um… No… I don't remember doing anything for Dick Bag motherfucker.

Red Bank, New Jersey

Not Even Pills Can Deliver That.

Female peon: I want to wear flats… I mean, my doctor promised me three more inches…
IT guy: Mine too.

Manhattan, New York

Coder #1: I liked the fix you did on that bug.
Coder #2: When in doubt, just take away access from the user. It’s a fascist approach, but I swear by it.
Coder #1: Right…

141 West 28th Street
New York, NY

Tech: Are you all set on the pdf server now?
Client: Yes, I think so. Is it supposed to be so fugging slow uploading pdfs onto the ftp site?
Tech: Yup! That’s a feature.
Client: Neat. Thanks.

111 South 1st Avenue
Wausau, Wisconsin

Tech: I am a guacamole of knowledge into which you may dip the nacho of need.

105 Madison Avenue
New York, NY

Boss: Hey, maybe we should launch this as an app.
Developer #1 to #2: What is he talking about?
Developer #2: I dunno, that guy's a fool!
Boss to developer #2: I will step on your throat!

Tempe, Arizona

Overheard by: David

Oblivious programmer #1, discussing lunch: It's good… It's very, very soft.
Oblivious programmer #2: It's all about everything. It's about the sauce.
Oblivious programmer #1: It's my first time. It could be the last time.

Westwood, Massachusetts

Overheard by: I love work

CSR on phone: Help desk, this is James*.
[pause] CSR: I am sorry, this is the PC and phone help desk. Sounds like you need the facilities help desk if a toilet is stopped up.
[pause] CSR: Okay sir, I understand, but you need facilites, not the help desk.
[long pause] CSR: Okay, is it a Windows toilet or a Unix toilet?
Customer, now on speakerphone: Well, there are no windows in this bathroom, so I guess it must be a Unix toilet.
CSR: Okay, I will get a Unix toilet specialist there as soon as we can. Which building and bathroom is it?
[pause] CSR: Thanks.
[CSR hangs up] CSR back on phone: Hello, facilities? This is James at the PC help desk. Yeah, I have a doozy for you…try not to laugh…

730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas

Overheard by: El Gee

Crime scene tech, teaching a class: No, semen doesn't last. The sperm do. It's really hard to get rid of them, even after a few days. It's those tough little heads. You could put the clothes in the laundry and still find some. So…sorry ladies.

Las Vegas Street
Colorado Springs, Colorado

X-ray machine attendant, picking stuffed panda up off belt: This one’s dead… He didn’t make it through the machine.

Los Angeles, California