Boss to web developer: Didn't we do that site for… For… Ugh… You know… Dick bag motherfucker…
Web developer: Um… No… I don't remember doing anything for Dick Bag motherfucker.
Red Bank, New Jersey
Boss to web developer: Didn't we do that site for… For… Ugh… You know… Dick bag motherfucker…
Web developer: Um… No… I don't remember doing anything for Dick Bag motherfucker.
Red Bank, New Jersey
Female peon: I want to wear flats… I mean, my doctor promised me three more inches…
IT guy: Mine too.
Manhattan, New York
Coder #1: I liked the fix you did on that bug.
Coder #2: When in doubt, just take away access from the user. It’s a fascist approach, but I swear by it.
Coder #1: Right…
141 West 28th Street
New York, NY
Tech: Are you all set on the pdf server now?
Client: Yes, I think so. Is it supposed to be so fugging slow uploading pdfs onto the ftp site?
Tech: Yup! That’s a feature.
Client: Neat. Thanks.
111 South 1st Avenue
Wausau, Wisconsin
Tech: I am a guacamole of knowledge into which you may dip the nacho of need.
105 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Boss: Hey, maybe we should launch this as an app.
Developer #1 to #2: What is he talking about?
Developer #2: I dunno, that guy's a fool!
Boss to developer #2: I will step on your throat!
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: David
Oblivious programmer #1, discussing lunch: It's good… It's very, very soft.
Oblivious programmer #2: It's all about everything. It's about the sauce.
Oblivious programmer #1: It's my first time. It could be the last time.
Westwood, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I love work
CSR on phone: Help desk, this is James*.
[pause]
CSR: I am sorry, this is the PC and phone help desk. Sounds like you need the facilities help desk if a toilet is stopped up.
[pause]
CSR: Okay sir, I understand, but you need facilites, not the help desk.
[long pause]
CSR: Okay, is it a Windows toilet or a Unix toilet?
Customer, now on speakerphone: Well, there are no windows in this bathroom, so I guess it must be a Unix toilet.
CSR: Okay, I will get a Unix toilet specialist there as soon as we can. Which building and bathroom is it?
[pause]
CSR: Thanks.
[CSR hangs up]
CSR back on phone: Hello, facilities? This is James at the PC help desk. Yeah, I have a doozy for you…try not to laugh…
730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas
Overheard by: El Gee
Crime scene tech, teaching a class: No, semen doesn't last. The sperm do. It's really hard to get rid of them, even after a few days. It's those tough little heads. You could put the clothes in the laundry and still find some. So…sorry ladies.
Las Vegas Street
Colorado Springs, Colorado
X-ray machine attendant, picking stuffed panda up off belt: This one’s dead… He didn’t make it through the machine.
Airport
Los Angeles, California
